13 Hours of Rain

It started with my monthly budgeting routine. Checking bank statements for accuracy. Balancing our accounts. Viewing our credit card statement for any errors.* Then I found something suspicious. A strange charge to some banking corporation in Ireland. A red flag was raised in my mind. I called your Dad over and asked him what this was all about . "Did you make the charge? The charge was made today. No? Are you sure that this has nothing to do with our anti-virus software? No? Okay. I should contact the credit card company right away? Okay." So I made the call. Agent 1 thought it was strange. I was forwarded to security. Agent 2 wanted me to check if it was our anti-virus software annual renewal. Apparently, the company likes to use European financial institutions. I called your Dad over and asked him again, "Can you check your 'junk' e-mail? Ohhhh. It was them. Sir, it's okay, it was our anti-virus software company after all. I apologize." I hung ...

I'm frustrated. You know the definition: feeling or expressing distress and annoyance, especially because of inability to change or achieve something. Yup, I am there today. I'm frustrated over my seemingly mundane existence. Wake up. Cook meals. Wash dishes. Do laundry. Clean house. Track debit/credits. Clean house, again. Go to bed. Repeat. It goes on and on and sometimes I just WISH I was doing something smart. I'm frustrated over money and how I wish I didn't have to track what we spend. The cost of everything continues to go up and there are days I wonder if I've got this budgeting thing all wrong. This week I need to stretch $50 for groceries without swiping the credit card. Don't panic readers, I am not a charity case at all. We do have some emergency savings. And technically government subsidies were deposited into our account very recently. However, I want to pretend it doesn't exist as I need that cash for some added expenses next month. Regar...

I am yearning to work again. I am longing to use my brain in more ways than engaging in household management a good portion of my waking hours. I ache to use my leadership and teaching skills on a larger scale than just typing away thoughts in a blog that some people read (thank you!) and you children will read *some* day. All of this reminds me of your Nani. Your Nani was trained to be a Biology/Chemistry teacher. But she really wanted to be a medical doctor. Since medical school was financially unattainable for a lower middle class Pastor's income, your Nani had to settled for what her father could afford: learning to teach the subjects that most related to becoming a physician. Your Nani was an excellent teacher. She taught at a reputable school for three years until she married and traversed ocean and land to live in a relatively isolated region of our province. She called her new home as a new bride and new immigrant to our country "the jungle". Interestingly eno...

It was a powerful moment. Your cousin shared excerpts of typical teenage drama in front of extended family. People listened with rapt attention. Laughter burst forth at poignant moments. Hushed silence captured the room as wise conclusions were reached about high school romances. Some advice was offered by adults. But mainly, we just wanted to listen. I couldn’t help but step back and return to my childhood. Beginning at Grade 1, I had a crush on a new boy practically every other year until I graduated from high school. Almost all of the boys had blond hair and blue eyes. I never dated any of them publicly or in secret. Dating was frowned upon by your Nana and Nani. While the act of dating was not attributed as wrong, it was deemed unwise, especially as a teenager. Most teenagers are pretty immature when it comes to matters of the heart, so we were strongly advised to avoid infatuations and focus on more pressing priorities. After all, your Nana and Nani believed in appropriate stage...

I am thankful for real conversations with your Daddy, when we cut past the surface and talk about stuff that really matters.

Dear Daughter and Son, One day, a crisis of faith may rock your world to the very depths of your foundation. As you teeter and tumble, grasping wildly for something  – anything!  – to rescue you from the plummet to the depths, you frantically scream the question, "GOD, are you REALLY there????" And silence reverberates around you in the chilly chasm of doubt. At this point in time, I've never been there, truly. My life has been fairly predictable. My relationships (the ones that matter, that is) are loyal. My loved ones surround me and very few close friends or relatives have been lost to sudden death, disease, or disaster. My health has been relatively "normal". My faith has not been tested with persecution or betrayal. Oh, I've had doubts. And I still do. But not the deep doubts that have the potential to shake the very core of my values. No so for your Daddy. A seventeen month encounter with the dark underbelly of the institutio...

The Kids & I at the Wedding It seemed like it was an argument about cake. I wanted some. He didn't. We drove away with two tired kids in a huff. It was a lose-lose situation. I didn't get my dessert in the beauty of the moment. My husband didn't get the early-to-bed privilege before the long drive home the next day. Our day began earlier. We had driven through almost five hours of rain. The kids were amazingly good, save for our son's momentary car sickness. We had a few incidents along the way like fueling-up at the most shanted-out Shell I've ever encountered. Or getting my fingers caught in the door of the car as the wind slammed it shut (praise God I suffered only a mild bruise). Finally, we arrived at our hotel and put on our best. Why? A wedding, of course! Our niece's wedding. An outdoor wedding. We reached the venue in good time. And thankfully, things were dry. The ceremony was beautiful. (If I wasn't so much of a control freak, I wou...

Last Sunday, I stood in front of our congregation, adorned in a light blue salwar kameez with shimmery silver embroidery, and spoke of my ethnic land, India. I shared the challenges of a couple who are called to minister amongst the North Indian people. I desired to be their voice. I longed to share their passion to see a land come to Christ. Deep down, I prayed, that someone, or maybe two or more, dare I hope, would be INSPIRED to travel across ocean and land to spread the Good News to the land of my forefathers. There are days I wish I could go. There are moments I ache to just sell it all, save a few meager belongings, and travel with my family to serve my people in a land DESPERATE for hope. Yet, I linger, here, in a place of prosperity and wealth that so many of us take for granted. Years past, I seriously explored the possibility of living in a culture different from my own for the sole purpose of making disciples of all nations. I did several short term missio...

Dear Daughter, We watched Cinderella the other day. It was exciting for me to share a fairy tale moment with you. I understand that while your toddler mind wasn't able to understand the subtleties of the film, you were able to comprehend the basics. Yes, cats hate mice (and vice versa). Yes, Cinderella's step-relatives are mean (please don't shred other people's dresses, that's awful). Yes, fairy godmothers grant wishes (I don't believe they exist though). Yes, young women dream of marrying prince charming (well, maybe you didn't quite get that). Okay, let's pause for a moment and focus on the latter point. Women dream of marrying Prince Charming . Now, dear, there are some key lessons you MUST NOT glean from Cinderella. Do not base your decision to marry someone solely on infatuation. Oh, yes, "this is love", or so it seems. And emotions can run high in the excitement of it all. And the physical closeness can drive you deliriously crazy. ...

My effort was not in vain. My husband cut up the dumplings stuffed with cottage cheese and lathered the goodness with cream gravy. Salt and pepper was generously applied. A side of farmer sausage and corn was added. And then he ate his supper with a satisfied grin. I actually made Wareneki , Mennonite cottage cheese perogies. Now, I have much to learn about the art and science of producing the perfect dumpling. And, in my estimation, my mother-in-law's version tastes much superior. But I SMILE when my husband claims he can't tell the difference . (Did I mention, his comment made me smile?) Too funny! Who would have thought?! Here I am, in the midst of the fourth decade of my life (haven't completed it yet, okay!!!), living in a small city where many Mennonites reside, attending a Mennonite church, raising children with my husband who has Mennonite heritage, and now making Mennonite food. What the heck happened? Okay, okay. Don't worry! I am writing this with...

The planet has rotated. The sun is on the other side. My children are dreaming. My husband is reading himself to sleep. I'm here, unable to rest though my body is exhausted. My mind is cluttered with myriad of thoughts. Oh how I wish I could THINK this blog post into existence. Homemaker. That is what I am. That is what I am supposed to be. What does that mean? As I step back and reflect on the last month in this new residence, I confess that my focus on homemaking has been superficial. For instance, I look around this place and I see things that need to be changed, fixed or renovated. At times my thoughts are obsessed with "getting it right" to the extent that I hesitate to open my home to non-family members because of mild embarrassment. I can already envision my apology to guests, "Sorry about this paint color, I will change it some day..." In addition, there are unpacked boxes everywhere. I get frustrated when I am only able to put a box or two away each ...

Yesterday, our little family posed at a local studio for our annual pictures (which, by the way, turned out pretty good). As I was finalizing the order with the photographer, my husband and I overheard the following conversation from a couple who was next in line for their pictures. "This is the wrong dress!" the wife hissed. "But I put on the dress that you had laid out," the husband penitently replied has he held his adorable infant daughter. "Where was I when you did that? What was I doing?" she retorted as if she was speaking to a three year old. (Somehow these questions were supposed to enlightened the husband of some error on his part. Apparently she was right.) The husband mumbled something in repentance. Meanwhile, my husband had to walk out of the room with our daughter to avoid reprimanding the woman. "My colleague offered to take their family pictures," our photographer whispered to me, "She knows her ." Apparently our photo...

During the last week, I graced my workplace for a few hours a day. I cleaned out the clutter left by the previous teacher and started to accomplish the tasks on my ritual "Beginning of the Year" To-Do list. It felt strange to leave my daughter behind in the care of my husband. Don't get me wrong. My husband is absolutely wonderful with our daughter. It just seemed different reversing roles after the last year. Previously, we were fairly traditional in our division of labor. He went to work. I stayed home. He engaged himself in math and science. I immersed myself in domestic duties. He monitored the progress of hundreds of students. I invested time in one child. Now, our lives will be slightly unconventional. I will be the primary breadwinner. He will be the primary caregiver. Our traditional routine was very comfortable and predictable, especially for me. Change and I are not necessarily the best of friends! I'd keep things at status quo if I had the power to manipula...

Work at living in peace with everyone, and work at living a holy life, for those who are not holy with not see the Lord. Look after each other so that none of you fails to receive the grace of God. Watch out that no poisonous root of bitterness grows up to trouble you, corrupting many. (Hebrews 12:14-15) I had the privilege of witnessing two beautiful wedding ceremonies during the month of July. While the style of each wedding was different, the spirit behind the event was identical. In front of beaming family and friends, two individuals pledged to be faithful to the each other until the end of their days. Furthermore, the witnesses on the stage as well as in the pews were exhorted to support the couples in fulfilling their vows. It brought back wonderful memories of our special day. Yet I ask, in honest sincerity, how do we support couples in fulfilling their vows? Why do I ask? Ever since my husband and I began our marriage only a few years ago, I have encountered several marriages...

My husband. I am very thankful for him. Yes, there are times when our personalities seem to be polar opposites of each other, thereby causing short moments of tension in our lives. Yet, these moments have served to strengthen and refine our individual personalities. By God's grace, we are becoming better people because of knowing each other. Here is a short list of what I have learned from him. Some lessons are profound, others are simple and practical (and a bit funny). 1. When you are adding spaghetti to a pot of boiling water, grasp the dry noodles on both ends and snap them towards the pot. Shorter noodles are easier to cook. Furthermore, snapping the noodles towards the pot allows for splinters to enter the water instead of the surrounding area. 2. If you need to keep score of points during a card game, list the players on your record sheet clockwise in reference to yourself. This increases the efficiency of record keeping. 3. Just because there is silence in answer to a quest...

I really do not desire to be a Twitter participant. However, since these haphazard thoughts are "Twitter-like", I thought the above title was appropriate. 1. Visited Indigo . I was browsing through books at Indigo with my husband. Paused in the baby section. Read a few sections from Unbuttoned: Women Open Up About the Pleasures, Pains, and Politics of Breastfeeding . Almost cried while skimming through one of the chapters. Wish I read this book before I went through my experience. Seems like a balanced view of the issues. 2. Saw green and orange cars . I've noticed something in my drives around the city. Aspen green and burnt orange are the two colors of choice in new cars these days. Dig the green. Not a fan of the orange. Maybe we'll get a snazzy aspen green Toyota Prius when the price of hybrid cars drop in market value. 3. Watched the Gags . My husband was watching Just for Laughs: Gags a few weeks ago. I joined him. A human behaviour caught my attention. Many ...

Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past. See, I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up; do you not perceive it? I am making a way in the desert and streams in the wasteland. (Isaiah 43:18-19) "Are you okay?" I asked my husband as I paused my night time reading routine. Usually my husband is enjoying one of the many pieces of literature he has on the go at the same time. This evening he was just lying there, with his arms folded across his chest. "I guess I am having a 'Rain' moment," he chuckled. "A 'Rain' moment," I smiled. "What are you thinking about?" "Humans. All we ever want to do is think about ourselves and how we can make our lives easier," he mused. "Here I am wondering how it would be nice if I was told tomorrow that they made a mistake, there actually is an opening at my school next year, and my position isn't redundant. That would make it easier for me when September rolls around......

If you claim to be religious but don’t control your tongue, you are fooling yourself, and your religion is worthless. Pure and genuine religion in the sight of God the Father means caring for orphans and widows in their distress and refusing to let the world corrupt you. (James 1:26-27) "Tell me again - why we go to church," my husband pined as we drove home from service. "We go for others," I replied. "It doesn't seem like we go for ourselves anymore. We go so you can encourage [our friends]. We go so I can listen to [a single mom] share about her struggles with her son." "I know..." he responded, "I want [our friends] to know there is someone who understands all the political crap they are going through. If it wasn't for that, I'd stay home and study my Strong's Concordance." I am becoming more and more disillusioned with organized religion. Frustration bubbles to the surface when our rituals become mindless motions of...

per·se·vere \ˌpər-sə-ˈvir\ Definition: to persist in a state, enterprise, or undertaking in spite of counterinfluences, opposition, or discouragement I just finished reading the chapter entitled "Sacred History: Building the Spiritual Discipline of Perseverance" in the book Sacred Marriage by Gary Thomas. Thomas provides a few reasons why perseverance is a difficult concept for married couples in today's day and age: 1. People are faced with potentially longer marriages due to advancements in medicine. Men and women live longer. Childbirth is a safer experience for women. In 1911, the average length of a marriage was 28 years. By 1967, that number increased to 42 years. Therefore, people are faced with loving each other for a longer time through the natural ebbs and flows of marriage. 2. Life is far too easy for North Americans. If we do not like something, we get right of it and buy something new. If we experience pain, we eliminate it through pain medication. If a math...

He wakes up and gets ready for work. She wakes up and cries for her breakfast. I wake up and get her milk. He says goodbye. She plays in her crib for a bit while I make the bed and check my e-mail. I change her diaper and bring her down. She eats. I eat. She plays while I alternate playing with tidying. She goes down for a nap and I do more housework. She wakes up and the cycle begins again. He comes home. We eat supper and briefly catch up on our days. We go our separate ways for a couple of hours. I put her to bed. He prepares for tomorrow's lessons. I deal with the dishes. He grades a stack of papers. And sometimes we watch a bit of T.V. Then we go to bed, exhausted. We wake up in the morning. And it begins again. It is extremely easy to drift into mindless monotony within our marriages. Who can blame us? Life is busy. And during my endless tasks of motherhood and the infinite demands of my husband's profession, we are tempted to take each other for granted. Understandably, ...