For the Days You Get Frustrated

I'm frustrated. You know the definition: feeling or expressing distress and annoyance, especially because of inability to change or achieve something. Yup, I am there today.

I'm frustrated over my seemingly mundane existence. Wake up. Cook meals. Wash dishes. Do laundry. Clean house. Track debit/credits. Clean house, again. Go to bed. Repeat. It goes on and on and sometimes I just WISH I was doing something smart.

I'm frustrated over money and how I wish I didn't have to track what we spend. The cost of everything continues to go up and there are days I wonder if I've got this budgeting thing all wrong. This week I need to stretch $50 for groceries without swiping the credit card. Don't panic readers, I am not a charity case at all. We do have some emergency savings. And technically government subsidies were deposited into our account very recently. However, I want to pretend it doesn't exist as I need that cash for some added expenses next month. Regardless, I get frustrated that I don't have extra funds to spend the way that I want to.

I'm frustrated with hanging out with large number of moms. Oh, don't get me wrong here. Some of my best friends are in the exact same stage as me and I absolutely cherish meaningful conversations with these beautiful women over play dates or almond milk rooibos chai lattes (1/2 sweet please). But I'm talking about Mom Groups and Play Groups where the topics are still centered around baby food or sleep cycles or potty training. I'm not there anymore. Hey, you two kids are not there anymore. And while I know that it is not all about me all the time (thankfully), I'm frustrated nonetheless.

I'm frustrated with how difficult it can be to truly connect with the ones you love. School has started and with that comes homework, extra-curricular activities, meetings, events, church commitments, and so forth (and that's with us limiting the amount of stuff we are involved in!). And at the end of the day, I can be so exhausted that the most meaningful thing I can do with your Daddy is sit in front of a flat screen and watch images flicker. Very exciting. I know that we need to be intentional in our romance, and there are moments we are just that, but I'm frustrated that it often requires work to get there.

Sigh.

Okay, kids, I am sinning left, right and center. Read all that stuff above and know I have many issues. I am not content. I am not thankful for the abundance I do have. I do not believe God will provide. I am selfish. I want the world to revolve around me. I am lazy. I want your Daddy to be romantic while I do nothing.

So what should I do to get out of my frustrated funk? (1) Change my circumstances? (2) Change my behaviour by doing things? (3) Change my thinking? (4) Believe in myself? (5) Concentrate on trusting Jesus?

Lane and Tripp in their book How People Change challenge me that while methods (1) - (5) have merit in certain circumstances, these approaches fall short in truly changing my heart. If my heart were changed, then I would not be frustrated in the ways I listed above. Therefore, this question begs to be ask: "How do we change our hearts?" Answer? We can't. No matter what we do, say, think, be -- we just can't. Only God can.

Now kids, if you let the truth of this fact sink in, it is very liberating. I can't change me. God can change me. So I go to Him and ask him to do just that. I confess my sin. I embrace God's forgiveness and grace. And I ask the Holy Spirit to help me let go of myself so I can be transformed into Christ's likeness.

That's hope for the days you get frustrated.

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