13 Hours of Rain

“BE STILL IN MY PRESENCE, even though countless tasks clamor for your attention. Nothing is as important as spending time with Me. While you wait in My Presence, I do My best work within you: transforming you by the renewing of your mind. If you skimp on this time with Me, you may plunge headlong into the wrong activities, missing the richness of what I have planned for you. Do not seek Me primarily for what I can give you. Remember that I, the Giver, am infinitely greater than any gift I might impart to you. Though I delight in blessing My children, I am deeply grieved when My blessings become idols in their hearts. Anything can be an idol if it distracts you from Me as your First Love. When I am the ultimate Desire of your heart, you are safe from the danger of idolatry. As you wait in My Presence, enjoy the greatest gift of all: Christ in you, the hope of Glory! Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be ...

I am not sure what to write about these days. My intellect is weary of analyzing much, thus I lean towards the visceral in this post. There are days I am exhausted in the roles I've embraced. The supportive wife and mother, who has shelved career aspirations to build a family life in semi-urban southwest. The responsible eldest daughter, who is viewed as a steady rock to lean on during difficult and uncertain times. The leader in committee work, who is entrusted to "get things done", while being attuned to the morale of the group. Sometimes, I just want to be selfish, like a typical two-year old, who proclaims "Mine!" at the top of her lungs while spouting tears of fury when things don't go her way. But I am not two. I am forty years older. Why is it that I struggle with the urge to run away from life for a while and do whatever I want, whenever I want? Why do I let comparison assault joy? Why do I despair in my soul when by all outside standards, my...