13 Hours of Rain

The life of a substitute teacher is far from glamorous. Well, my life in particular. With an availability schedule that is every other day (because of J.'s KG) along with a system that requires the teacher to find their own substitute teacher, I am averaging two calls a month. Definitely not glamorous income-wise. It is difficult not to become discouraged. And for a person like me who thrives under affirmation and avoids situations that lead to failure, I feel exactly that -- a failure. And it is tough, when you know that you are a good teacher -- definitely better than average -- with years of education (sorry if that sounded prideful). Yet, at best, I'm a twice-a-month substitute, carrying out someone else's plans which usually consists of much supervision and glorified "baby-sitting". Ugh. For years, I have felt in control of my destiny. I am a control-freak. Intellectually I know that God is ultimately in control. Yet, I often operate as if it all depend...

If membership is just the ability to vote at a meeting and hold a key leadership position in my church, it actually doesn't appeal to me that much. However, if membership has the potential to foster grace-based, authentic relationships where we are each other's advocates in this Christ centered journey, then I am more inclined to become a member than ever before.

We voted for change.

Our church experience in this town has been a roller coaster of emotions. We have gone from "What a friendly place!" to "Why in the world do they do it this way? It makes no sense..." to "Should we leave and attend somewhere else?" to "Hey, someone actually understands our perspective!" to "Yes! Good things are happening here!" to "So, should we become members?" Our church has done a commendable job in presenting a renewed Membership process. Both your Daddy and I have appreciated the teaching on the topic. However, there is one aspect of membership that gives me pause for thought, namely "Christian Accountability". Accountability is defined by the Merriam-Webster Online Dictionary as " the quality or state of being  accountable ;  an obligation or willingness to accept responsibility or to  account  for one's actions." Truthfully, I wonder if accountability, as defined above, adequately describes...

September was a month of firsts. First bus ride and day of school for little boy. First day of piano lessons for little girl. First substitute teaching call in this school division for Mommy. Thankfully, we all survived our firsts, and excelled as well. It has also been a month of transition. First lunch at home where I was eating without any member of our family present (weird and kind of eerie). First month where I didn't feel compelled -- or the need -- to attend our church's Mom's group (maybe I'll go one day, maybe I won't). First time in a long time where I am reading my Bible in the morning instead of at night (I get up earlier these days to prepare for potential substitute teaching jobs). I am grateful for these firsts. Motherhood is a journey of change, from the initial swelling of our bellies that shields a tiny being inside to letting our children leave the safety of home to be educated by trained professionals. There is an emotional toll to our rol...