I Don't Believe in Super Mom

September was a month of firsts. First bus ride and day of school for little boy. First day of piano lessons for little girl. First substitute teaching call in this school division for Mommy. Thankfully, we all survived our firsts, and excelled as well.

It has also been a month of transition. First lunch at home where I was eating without any member of our family present (weird and kind of eerie). First month where I didn't feel compelled -- or the need -- to attend our church's Mom's group (maybe I'll go one day, maybe I won't). First time in a long time where I am reading my Bible in the morning instead of at night (I get up earlier these days to prepare for potential substitute teaching jobs).

I am grateful for these firsts.

Motherhood is a journey of change, from the initial swelling of our bellies that shields a tiny being inside to letting our children leave the safety of home to be educated by trained professionals. There is an emotional toll to our role that I didn't fully understand as I welcomed you two wonderful creations in our lives. Being a Mother can be so challenging and joy-filled, full of anxiety and hope, heaped in monotony and serendipity. All realities equated, it is still a blessed gift from God.

There are days I do wonder about the fairness of it all. Women who desire children and are barren for whatever reason. Women who wanted a large family, but were gifted one or two due to age. Women who didn't want children and find themselves with too many. I trust God is sovereign, even though I don't understand His methods.

As I go through this transition in our family's schedules, there are moments I find myself asking, "This is it? Soon both kids will be in school full-time. Then what?" Other days I feel a bit empty, wondering the age-old "should've, could've, would've" questions of family size. Our identities are often interconnected with what we do instead of who we are. My role as stay-at-home-mom is dwindling. Two children, two years apart results in quick exit times. Thus my internal pressure to re-enter teaching and land the perfect half-time position in my field is overwhelming at times. After all, if I am not Mothering full-time, shouldn't I be contributing to the family income and society in some significant way?

But what if it never happens? What if? What if I never land that fabulous job with my own classroom? What if I'm relegated to substitute teaching for the rest of my professional life? True, we could move cities so I can find a job. But that would mean uprooting your Daddy from his ideal teaching scenario. And that would also mean leaving a community I've come to appreciate in spite of its quirks and annoyances. So, what if my life continues as the perpetual caregiver, being the calming, steady element as everyone's schedules whirl around me? Would that be enough?

I don't believe in Super Mom. I don't think she exists, really. Popular opinion may contradict me, citing examples of Pinterest-posting Moms or all the Mommy Bloggers out there who seem to have it all together with their super organized cupboards, d.i.y. craftier that crafty crafts, healthy seven-day menu plans and trendy professional wardrobes. Oh, I do believe Moms are super, in what they do everyday. But we are not infallible beings to be worshiped. Most of us are trying our best with the gifts God has given us. We need Divine help in our journey. We need to understand what we can and cannot do. I know I cannot ever work full-time at this stage of Mothering. I. Just. Can't. I need a certain degree of cleanliness and organization at home along with time to keep up with all the communication from school, church and other clubs. I cherish family time where we play games or go for a skate or read the Bible together or accomplish a household chore (with joy). I don't like feeling rushed or overwhelmed or overly scheduled. So what will suffer? My career. Our bank account balance. Maybe that trip to Disneyland that we were never planning to take anyway.

And I think that is okay.

Popular posts from this blog

Is God Good?

During "at home learning", I helped my daughter design an experiment on plants. She set up four identical pots with the same amount of soil in the same location on our deck (controlling her variables, right?). She planted two bean seeds in each pot. She watered three out of the four plants with various amounts of water (1/4 cup, 1/2 cup and 1 cup). The fourth plant only received whatever water naturally fell from the sky. At the end of one month, her hypothesis was partially verified. She thought the 1/4 cup water plant and 1/2 cup water plant would grow the best, which was true in the end. On the other hand, she guessed the others would not germinate at all. Interestingly enough, while the one that was drench in water (1 cup) did not germinate, the one she did not water at all actually grew! It germinated late but had the most steady growth. Is God good? I have been thinking about this question a lot these days. A global pandemic is still raging over our planet decimat...
Read more

Daunting {But Not Impossible}

I rarely watch the news. I catch up on the world's happenings -- where often the horror is reported -- via Google News. Or the brief blurb before classic rock on our favourite radio station. But very occasionally, at the end of the day, I take in the images of national and global headlines. Yesterday I watched the masses trek across Europe, searching for a safe haven away from war-torn Syria. I witnessed little kids crying as they tried to rub away tear gas sprayed by unrelenting border police. The message? You are not welcome in this country. I choked up as a father and his son fell to the ground after being tripped up by guards. The look of desperation on people's faces was heart breaking. Our country is nearing a Federal Election in October. Many voters are curious how the next Prime Minister will address the Syrian Refugee Crisis. Here is an excerpt from The Globe and Mail : Mr. Mulcair [NDP] and Mr. Trudeau [Liberal] condemn Mr. Harper [Conservative] for lacking...
Read more

Banking in the Now

This month we are trying something different: banking in the now instead of the tomorrow. Oh, it is nothing new, really. I used to operate like this in my single days. But then the lure of credit cards with reward programs persuaded me otherwise. While I never gave Visa the joy in collecting any interest payments from our bank accounts and I always payed our credit card bill before the 21 days of grace were up, I probably spent more than I should have some months. Why? Because I didn't have to pay for it immediately . It was not until last year that my credit card habits started to bother my conscience. Up to that point, I felt proud of the fact that the credit card company was paying me to use their plastic. I received stuff for free, even after paying my annual fee. Free fuel. Free flights. Free hotels. Free is good, right? My perspective started to change after I read a blog post penned by my sister. Her and her husband cut up their credit cards after a series of events, o...
Read more