Liberation. Sacrifice. Contentment.
I am yearning to work again. I am longing to use my brain in more ways than engaging in household management a good portion of my waking hours. I ache to use my leadership and teaching skills on a larger scale than just typing away thoughts in a blog that some people read (thank you!) and you children will read *some* day.
All of this reminds me of your Nani. Your Nani was trained to be a Biology/Chemistry teacher. But she really wanted to be a medical doctor. Since medical school was financially unattainable for a lower middle class Pastor's income, your Nani had to settled for what her father could afford: learning to teach the subjects that most related to becoming a physician. Your Nani was an excellent teacher. She taught at a reputable school for three years until she married and traversed ocean and land to live in a relatively isolated region of our province. She called her new home as a new bride and new immigrant to our country "the jungle".
Interestingly enough, your Nani originally desired only two children. But when two girls appeared, the lure to try for the boy was strong. Ten years from when I was born, I was part of a three girl, one boy family. The demands of four children were great and the help of extended family was almost zero. Therefore, your Nani willingly sacrificed her career to raise her family. Was it easy? No, definitely not. I know my Mom ached to use her talents in more ways than converting farm chicken into savory curry, washing innumerable dishes and cleaning the house until is sparkled. She cherished being a Mom. She valued being home when her children arrived from school. She lovingly provided a home for her husband after his long day in the classroom. She inspired me to do the same. Yet, that longing to be smart, to use one's intellect, to be appreciated for one's mind instead of the often menial tasks of being the "house wife" never quite disappeared. And there were times I know your Nani wanted to be acknowledged for the sacrifices she made to advance your Nana's career and the education of her children at the cost of her own. Why? Because your Nani choose to do it, especially when more and more women were choosing not to.
Oh, do I ever get that now!
The world has changed from 100 years ago. Feminist movements have done much to raise the equality between the genders. A woman can vote, hold office and become Prime Minister. A woman can pursue any career she desires. A woman can birth children, earn maternity leave if she was employed and return back to her job. A woman can be financially independent of her husband. A woman can expect that the father of her children will be involved in parenting. A woman can leave an abusive marriage and find safety for her and her children.
So, what does it mean to be submissive? Our small group is studying 1 Peter, and once again the famous submission passage begins with the words, "In the same way, you wives must accept the authority of your husbands," (1 Peter 3:1a). Now I haven't done an extensive study on the New Testament passages that outline the relations between husband and wives. But generally, it seems that the wife submits to her husband, the husband honors and respects his wife. Yet, all the above verbs, namely submit, honor and respect, are expected of every Christian in their relations with others, regardless of gender, social status or family relation. Why the distinction for husband and wives? Was it just a cultural issue back in Biblical times? Does it apply now, especially since our corner of the world is very different in how it treats the genders than years past? If not, does the Biblical meaning need to be reconceptualized somewhat? These are questions I still don't know the precise answers to.
From the outside, our family looks very traditional. Your Daddy works and brings home the income. I stay home and manage/clean/organize/maintain the house while being engage in full-time parenting. Though, when it comes to submitting, honoring and respecting, we treat these actions as egalitarian responsibilities of both partners. Your Daddy isn't the domineering type. I have leadership skills. So, the image of your Daddy being the Master of the house where I demurely follow doesn't fit. The opposite scenario isn't appealing either. Yet, at times one of us is much more adamant on a particular course of action than the other. One leads. The other follows. I have been entrusted to manage our household finances, and for the most part it is completed at my discretion. While my methods are open to question, generally what I suggest transpires. We are phasing out our credit cards. We give to charity and church. We are working hard at getting rid of our debt. We try to save for emergencies and the future. We celebrate milestones semi-extravagantly.
Your Daddy, is much more opinionated about your education. You will not be enrolled in French Immersion, Catholic School or Private Christian schools. Home Schooling is out of the question unless it is an intervention. Thus, Public School it is. He has his reasons. We've discussed it. I understand why. I respect and accept his opinion. We move on.
What does this have to do with me wanting to eventually work? Our Western mindset as women has changed and so has our expectations of what we desire to accomplish in life. Yet, I still believe you can't have it all or be all that you want to be. Sacrifice is part of life and it is intimately connected to submission. And when I decided to have children, I decided to let go of who I was before kids. That's hard to embrace some days. But, I hope my future will have a little more intellectual variety for the sake of my mental health. I think I will be a better Mom and Wife in the long run. My house may not be as clean as it is now and this blog may stop producing posts and your Daddy will need to cook a meal or two. But, I think, I hope, it will be worth it.
Until then, I pray for contentment and joy as I do laundry, wash dishes, cook meals, supervise homework, blog my thoughts for a small audience, and be a homemaker full-time. Because, I know that one day I'll look back at now and wonder why I complained so much.
All of this reminds me of your Nani. Your Nani was trained to be a Biology/Chemistry teacher. But she really wanted to be a medical doctor. Since medical school was financially unattainable for a lower middle class Pastor's income, your Nani had to settled for what her father could afford: learning to teach the subjects that most related to becoming a physician. Your Nani was an excellent teacher. She taught at a reputable school for three years until she married and traversed ocean and land to live in a relatively isolated region of our province. She called her new home as a new bride and new immigrant to our country "the jungle".
Interestingly enough, your Nani originally desired only two children. But when two girls appeared, the lure to try for the boy was strong. Ten years from when I was born, I was part of a three girl, one boy family. The demands of four children were great and the help of extended family was almost zero. Therefore, your Nani willingly sacrificed her career to raise her family. Was it easy? No, definitely not. I know my Mom ached to use her talents in more ways than converting farm chicken into savory curry, washing innumerable dishes and cleaning the house until is sparkled. She cherished being a Mom. She valued being home when her children arrived from school. She lovingly provided a home for her husband after his long day in the classroom. She inspired me to do the same. Yet, that longing to be smart, to use one's intellect, to be appreciated for one's mind instead of the often menial tasks of being the "house wife" never quite disappeared. And there were times I know your Nani wanted to be acknowledged for the sacrifices she made to advance your Nana's career and the education of her children at the cost of her own. Why? Because your Nani choose to do it, especially when more and more women were choosing not to.
Oh, do I ever get that now!
The world has changed from 100 years ago. Feminist movements have done much to raise the equality between the genders. A woman can vote, hold office and become Prime Minister. A woman can pursue any career she desires. A woman can birth children, earn maternity leave if she was employed and return back to her job. A woman can be financially independent of her husband. A woman can expect that the father of her children will be involved in parenting. A woman can leave an abusive marriage and find safety for her and her children.
So, what does it mean to be submissive? Our small group is studying 1 Peter, and once again the famous submission passage begins with the words, "In the same way, you wives must accept the authority of your husbands," (1 Peter 3:1a). Now I haven't done an extensive study on the New Testament passages that outline the relations between husband and wives. But generally, it seems that the wife submits to her husband, the husband honors and respects his wife. Yet, all the above verbs, namely submit, honor and respect, are expected of every Christian in their relations with others, regardless of gender, social status or family relation. Why the distinction for husband and wives? Was it just a cultural issue back in Biblical times? Does it apply now, especially since our corner of the world is very different in how it treats the genders than years past? If not, does the Biblical meaning need to be reconceptualized somewhat? These are questions I still don't know the precise answers to.
From the outside, our family looks very traditional. Your Daddy works and brings home the income. I stay home and manage/clean/organize/maintain the house while being engage in full-time parenting. Though, when it comes to submitting, honoring and respecting, we treat these actions as egalitarian responsibilities of both partners. Your Daddy isn't the domineering type. I have leadership skills. So, the image of your Daddy being the Master of the house where I demurely follow doesn't fit. The opposite scenario isn't appealing either. Yet, at times one of us is much more adamant on a particular course of action than the other. One leads. The other follows. I have been entrusted to manage our household finances, and for the most part it is completed at my discretion. While my methods are open to question, generally what I suggest transpires. We are phasing out our credit cards. We give to charity and church. We are working hard at getting rid of our debt. We try to save for emergencies and the future. We celebrate milestones semi-extravagantly.
Your Daddy, is much more opinionated about your education. You will not be enrolled in French Immersion, Catholic School or Private Christian schools. Home Schooling is out of the question unless it is an intervention. Thus, Public School it is. He has his reasons. We've discussed it. I understand why. I respect and accept his opinion. We move on.
What does this have to do with me wanting to eventually work? Our Western mindset as women has changed and so has our expectations of what we desire to accomplish in life. Yet, I still believe you can't have it all or be all that you want to be. Sacrifice is part of life and it is intimately connected to submission. And when I decided to have children, I decided to let go of who I was before kids. That's hard to embrace some days. But, I hope my future will have a little more intellectual variety for the sake of my mental health. I think I will be a better Mom and Wife in the long run. My house may not be as clean as it is now and this blog may stop producing posts and your Daddy will need to cook a meal or two. But, I think, I hope, it will be worth it.
Until then, I pray for contentment and joy as I do laundry, wash dishes, cook meals, supervise homework, blog my thoughts for a small audience, and be a homemaker full-time. Because, I know that one day I'll look back at now and wonder why I complained so much.