Instead of Me
Last Sunday, I stood in front of our congregation, adorned in a light blue salwar kameez with shimmery silver embroidery, and spoke of my ethnic land, India. I shared the challenges of a couple who are called to minister amongst the North Indian people. I desired to be their voice. I longed to share their passion to see a land come to Christ. Deep down, I prayed, that someone, or maybe two or more, dare I hope, would be INSPIRED to travel across ocean and land to spread the Good News to the land of my forefathers.
There are days I wish I could go. There are moments I ache to just sell it all, save a few meager belongings, and travel with my family to serve my people in a land DESPERATE for hope. Yet, I linger, here, in a place of prosperity and wealth that so many of us take for granted.
Years past, I seriously explored the possibility of living in a culture different from my own for the sole purpose of making disciples of all nations. I did several short term missions trips. I even relocated to another country to work in a Christian School. Each of these experiences were breathtaking and life-changing. However, my overseas adventures were not all together glamorous, believe me! After all, I have experienced serving with a teammate who seemed to hate me from the moment she set eyes on me. I have lived with giant cockroaches and stifling humidity. I have been placed in roles outside my comfort zone, such as door-to-door evangelism. And I have realized that life in any part of the world, foreign or not, can get normal, predictable, and even boring at times. It doesn't take long to forget why one made the journey to begin with! Oh, yah, I need to share my faith, serve others, and be Christ to those around me, right here... Opps, I forgot, again...
It is true that where ever God places us, we have a serious obligation to share the HOPE we have in Christ. We have to serve within our community. We have to let Christ use us and empower us to be the change we desire to see in the world. All of this is a good reminder for me, especially when I wish to escape the mainly white middle-class community I live in to chase the dream of travel, culinary delights, linguistic studies, and cultural immersions. After all, could it be that God really wants me here, so that I can be used by Him to motivate others to go, instead of me?
While I sort through the longings of foreign excursions, marriage brings a whole new perspective to the cyclical issue of reassessing vision. I am often reminded how I need to walk in step with my husband. Not running ahead. Not lagging behind. But walking in unison. My husband is working tirelessly to build a strong teaching career. This is his time and place to excel, to explore, to learn, and to thrive. I, on the other hand, am guilty of wanting to fast forward this stage so we can really do something dramatic and risky! Come on honey! We can relocate and teach overseas! Let's do it!!! Instead, I remind myself, "Whoa! I'm walking ahead of him. Slow down. And wait. And listen to God's still small voice. Trust that He WILL guide."
Then there is the issue of my sister, three years younger. She struggles with a mentally debilitating illness. In all reality, she will be our responsibility, first and foremost, when my parents are unable to care for her. How does this all fit in with overseas missions, even short-term stints? Does this mean that God really wants me here, so that I can be used by Him to motivate others to go, instead of me?
In the meanwhile, I will step up in front of others and update them on the plights of individuals, couples, and families who go ahead of me to lands where many haven't even heard of the name JESUS. And I pray, especially for the next generation, the FIFTH generation, of Christ followers in my family, namely my children. I PRAY with a heart of a Mother who yearns for her children to embrace the truths found in Christ's Life, Death, and Resurrection. I pray that they will be BOLD in sharing Christ's love in WORD and DEED where ever they are placed on the third planet from the Sun.
Today I choose to embrace that God really wants me here, so that I can be used by Him to motivate others to go, instead of me.
There are days I wish I could go. There are moments I ache to just sell it all, save a few meager belongings, and travel with my family to serve my people in a land DESPERATE for hope. Yet, I linger, here, in a place of prosperity and wealth that so many of us take for granted.
Years past, I seriously explored the possibility of living in a culture different from my own for the sole purpose of making disciples of all nations. I did several short term missions trips. I even relocated to another country to work in a Christian School. Each of these experiences were breathtaking and life-changing. However, my overseas adventures were not all together glamorous, believe me! After all, I have experienced serving with a teammate who seemed to hate me from the moment she set eyes on me. I have lived with giant cockroaches and stifling humidity. I have been placed in roles outside my comfort zone, such as door-to-door evangelism. And I have realized that life in any part of the world, foreign or not, can get normal, predictable, and even boring at times. It doesn't take long to forget why one made the journey to begin with! Oh, yah, I need to share my faith, serve others, and be Christ to those around me, right here... Opps, I forgot, again...
It is true that where ever God places us, we have a serious obligation to share the HOPE we have in Christ. We have to serve within our community. We have to let Christ use us and empower us to be the change we desire to see in the world. All of this is a good reminder for me, especially when I wish to escape the mainly white middle-class community I live in to chase the dream of travel, culinary delights, linguistic studies, and cultural immersions. After all, could it be that God really wants me here, so that I can be used by Him to motivate others to go, instead of me?
While I sort through the longings of foreign excursions, marriage brings a whole new perspective to the cyclical issue of reassessing vision. I am often reminded how I need to walk in step with my husband. Not running ahead. Not lagging behind. But walking in unison. My husband is working tirelessly to build a strong teaching career. This is his time and place to excel, to explore, to learn, and to thrive. I, on the other hand, am guilty of wanting to fast forward this stage so we can really do something dramatic and risky! Come on honey! We can relocate and teach overseas! Let's do it!!! Instead, I remind myself, "Whoa! I'm walking ahead of him. Slow down. And wait. And listen to God's still small voice. Trust that He WILL guide."
Then there is the issue of my sister, three years younger. She struggles with a mentally debilitating illness. In all reality, she will be our responsibility, first and foremost, when my parents are unable to care for her. How does this all fit in with overseas missions, even short-term stints? Does this mean that God really wants me here, so that I can be used by Him to motivate others to go, instead of me?
In the meanwhile, I will step up in front of others and update them on the plights of individuals, couples, and families who go ahead of me to lands where many haven't even heard of the name JESUS. And I pray, especially for the next generation, the FIFTH generation, of Christ followers in my family, namely my children. I PRAY with a heart of a Mother who yearns for her children to embrace the truths found in Christ's Life, Death, and Resurrection. I pray that they will be BOLD in sharing Christ's love in WORD and DEED where ever they are placed on the third planet from the Sun.
Today I choose to embrace that God really wants me here, so that I can be used by Him to motivate others to go, instead of me.