Happily Ever After?

Dear Daughter,

We watched Cinderella the other day. It was exciting for me to share a fairy tale moment with you. I understand that while your toddler mind wasn't able to understand the subtleties of the film, you were able to comprehend the basics. Yes, cats hate mice (and vice versa). Yes, Cinderella's step-relatives are mean (please don't shred other people's dresses, that's awful). Yes, fairy godmothers grant wishes (I don't believe they exist though). Yes, young women dream of marrying prince charming (well, maybe you didn't quite get that).

Okay, let's pause for a moment and focus on the latter point. Women dream of marrying Prince Charming. Now, dear, there are some key lessons you MUST NOT glean from Cinderella.
  1. Do not base your decision to marry someone solely on infatuation. Oh, yes, "this is love", or so it seems. And emotions can run high in the excitement of it all. And the physical closeness can drive you deliriously crazy. But don't let fickle feelings drive you to vow a lifetime commitment to each other. Because that fantastic feeling of being "in love" will fade. And while it may return off and on to exhilarate you, generally it will blend into the hum-drum of life. I am not talking of something depressing. Rather I am speaking of reality. Ask yourself: Do you want to wake up to this person when the night was spent dealing with kid #1, who needs to go pee at 1 a.m., and kid #2, who is squawking in his crib because can't breathe through a blocked nose? Because if the answer in "no", call off your love affair. It's not worth it.
  2. For crying out loud, please engage in meaningful and deep conversations with your fiance BEFORE you get married. Don't be like the prince who after a night of dancing still didn't know Cinderella's name. Sheesh! Don't assume the answer to certain questions. Ask!!! Does he want children when he gets married (you'd be surprise how many situations I've encountered in which this was NOT clarified before marriage)? Does he like your parents, or at least is willing to participate in some kind of positive relationship with them (hey, what's not to like about your Dad and I)? Does he know about your dreams and goals in life and is he willing to support them (your Daddy's pretty awesome in supporting me)? I could go on, but one day, God willing, we'll have a long chat!
  3. As much as you hope, life does not always turn out "happily ever after". Marriage, as wonderful and as beautiful as it is supposed to be, is challenging. Take two people with two different personalities, two different family backgrounds, and two different types of personal baggage and try putting them together under the vows of "forever on this earth". Sounds a bit insane, don't you think? Anyway, don't kid yourself. Some days it will be difficult. Other days will seem impossible. But, if you aim to work at it with God's divine intervention, with the prayers and support of family and friends, and with a mutual spirit of reconciliation and respect, it can be one of the most gratifying relationships you will ever experience on this planet.
I love you, my dear princess. May God lead you to the right man for your life, if it is His Will and your desire to be married.

Love,
Your Mommy

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