Going Deeper on Sunday (Part 1)

Wake up. Eat breakfast. Pack diaper bag. Get dressed. Rush out the door. Park car. Get inside. Hang coats. Grab bulletin. Find a seat. Sing worships songs while pacifying little children. Shake a hand or two during the ever-so-brief-hi-how-are-you hand shake time. Try to get our kids to behave as songs interchange with offeratory and announcements. Rush kids to nursery when they lose it. Attempt to take in a sermon while exhausted. Sing closing hymn. Run out, say "hi" to a few people, grab kids, go home.

That's church.

To tell you the truth, if I had to completely depend on my Sunday morning experience to make real connections with people, I'd be a very lonely woman right now.
  
Let's be honest. The typical Evangelical North American "Sunday Morning Church Service" is structured to highlight the individual rather than the collective. Here are some of my observations:
  1. Our musical worship offers a false sense of community. Many of our songs are written from an individual's standpoint (e.g. "Here I am to worship, Here I am to bow down, Here I am to say that You're my God..."). This can unknowingly undermine a community mindset.
  2. Our audible prayers are usually uttered from the pulpit rather than the congregation. The message here can be, "What is said up here is more important than what is said down there."
  3. Our "teaching times" are really "lecture times". Rarely are the listeners given an opportunity to interact with the ideas through dialogue during the service.
Okay, take all of this individual focus and couple it with the realities of being a parent of small children. The result during church? Isolation.

Ironic, isn't it?

To set the record straight, I've been blessed to met several phenomenal women through my church who have gone out of their way to make me feel welcomed. I am eternally grateful for their kindness and hospitality. Nonetheless, I know I need to be more proactive in developing deeper connections with people in my church community, especially during this season of intense motherhood. Here is what I am learning:

(1) For me, nothing says "I really want to get to know YOU personally" more than being invited over to someone's home for a visit (and it is extra special when food is shared). While being invited over for product parties, birthday parties, bible studies, and committee meetings are valued in varying degrees, invitations for a meal or coffee "just because" top my list in ways to authentically connect with others. As a result, our goal as a family is to invite another family, couple or individual (in or outside the church) for a meal in our home around once a month.

(2) One of the best ways to provide support and encouragement to mothers of preschoolers is to offer a parenting group in the church. There is something wonderful and cathartic about sharing the highs and lows of parenting with others. I am fortunate to have a great Moms' group at my church. (I think it would be awesome to create a parenting group that also welcomed stay-at-home-Dads!)

(3) Even though I am extremely busy at this stage of my life, I find getting involved in some aspect of church ministry outside of Sunday service assists in developing deeper relationships with others. I was part of our church's Women's Ministry Committee for a season and found it quite beneficial in gaining insight into other people's lives. Now I am seeking God's direction in another area of the church (and hoping to go beyond church to serving in the community some way).

Now what about my critiques about the individual focus of Sunday service itself? I'll leave that for part 2. In the meanwhile, what are other ways to genuinely connect with people in and outside your church?

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