The Missing "e"
Spaghetti on the floor, compliments of my son as he experimented with gravity from the heights of his chair. "I wants!" echoing off the walls, courtesy of my daughter who hasn't quite learned how to phrase her requests in a polite manner. And the lowercase "e" fridge magnet is missing.
"Where is the e???" I ask, frazzled. "Is it in the garbage?"
"Yes," she replies.
"Did YOU put it in the garbage?" my voice begins to rise.
"Yes."
"Why did you do THAT?"
"Because."
"BECAUSE!" I begin digging, sweeping through mango peels, egg shells, and other unmentionable refuse. No "e".
"Actually, I didn't put it in the garbage," she remarked.
"WHAT! Then why did you LIE about it?!!" The question reverberated in the room at dangerous decibel levels.
My son looked stunned. My daughter's head dropped and accidentally hit her bowl of half eaten spaghetti. The bump caused her to explode in tears.
"I need a Kleenex!!!" she sobbed.
Uh-oh. I screwed up. I hurt her feelings. Oh, yes, she lied and forced me to search through disgusting waste. But I didn't have to yell.
It is during moments like these I am reminded of my frailty. Many days I am proud of my level of self-control and patience in regards to my children. But then days like today happen. I'm impatient. I'm inconsiderate. And I'm a "female dog", to put it bluntly.
I've been doing much reflecting over the past few weeks. Mainly, my thoughts have centered on how visionless I feel these days. For as long as I can remember, I've been a goal setter. I'd set a goal, establish a plan of action, and work tirelessly toward successful completion. Admittedly, I would select goals that were manageable. In addition, my aims had to resonated with my natural areas of interest. Thus I would be motivated to achieve the goal while ensuring a low probability of failure.
During my single years, I accomplish much, by the grace of God. However, within this current stage of marriage and family, my external vision has dimmed. And some days it frustrates me and discourages me to no end. It doesn't help when I compare myself to others. I know of many Mothers & Wives who not only "stay-at-home" but also run a successful business or speak at conferences or write books or volunteer in their communities. I can't seem to get past cleaning spaghetti off the floor or pulling out a fridge to look for a missing "e".
My husband and I take turns listening to sermons at church. It is extremely rare, because of our small children, that we can both enjoy a sermon together. Usually one of us is out in the foyer chasing after our very busy son! Last week my husband took in a talk about serving. The pastor's words were standard fare for such a topic. Though, at the end our pastor mentioned something enlightening. If you look at the lives of people in the Bible who where "called" to serve, these people were doing something, either good or evil. They were not sitting around idle waiting for the Divine to speak. Gideon was threshing wheat. Matthew was collecting taxes. John was repairing a net. Saul was persecuting Christians. And in each case, God spoke and obedience followed.
I take encouragement from the above examples. First, I know that what I am doing right NOW is extraordinarily vital. I am a wife to my husband and I am a mother to my children. And while my heart desires to do something significant beyond these crucial roles, I must focus on my tasks at hand with God's gracious strength. Second, I will take hope in these words: Rain was scrapping spaghetti off the floor and searching for a magnetic "e" while yelling at her daughter; then God spoke and she obeyed.
By the way, I found the "e". It was kicked deep under the stove. And I apologized to my daughter for yelling. And she lost her after lunch treat for lying, among other things. Mmmmm, that chocolate was delicious! ;)
"Where is the e???" I ask, frazzled. "Is it in the garbage?"
"Yes," she replies.
"Did YOU put it in the garbage?" my voice begins to rise.
"Yes."
"Why did you do THAT?"
"Because."
"BECAUSE!" I begin digging, sweeping through mango peels, egg shells, and other unmentionable refuse. No "e".
"Actually, I didn't put it in the garbage," she remarked.
"WHAT! Then why did you LIE about it?!!" The question reverberated in the room at dangerous decibel levels.
My son looked stunned. My daughter's head dropped and accidentally hit her bowl of half eaten spaghetti. The bump caused her to explode in tears.
"I need a Kleenex!!!" she sobbed.
Uh-oh. I screwed up. I hurt her feelings. Oh, yes, she lied and forced me to search through disgusting waste. But I didn't have to yell.
It is during moments like these I am reminded of my frailty. Many days I am proud of my level of self-control and patience in regards to my children. But then days like today happen. I'm impatient. I'm inconsiderate. And I'm a "female dog", to put it bluntly.
I've been doing much reflecting over the past few weeks. Mainly, my thoughts have centered on how visionless I feel these days. For as long as I can remember, I've been a goal setter. I'd set a goal, establish a plan of action, and work tirelessly toward successful completion. Admittedly, I would select goals that were manageable. In addition, my aims had to resonated with my natural areas of interest. Thus I would be motivated to achieve the goal while ensuring a low probability of failure.
During my single years, I accomplish much, by the grace of God. However, within this current stage of marriage and family, my external vision has dimmed. And some days it frustrates me and discourages me to no end. It doesn't help when I compare myself to others. I know of many Mothers & Wives who not only "stay-at-home" but also run a successful business or speak at conferences or write books or volunteer in their communities. I can't seem to get past cleaning spaghetti off the floor or pulling out a fridge to look for a missing "e".
My husband and I take turns listening to sermons at church. It is extremely rare, because of our small children, that we can both enjoy a sermon together. Usually one of us is out in the foyer chasing after our very busy son! Last week my husband took in a talk about serving. The pastor's words were standard fare for such a topic. Though, at the end our pastor mentioned something enlightening. If you look at the lives of people in the Bible who where "called" to serve, these people were doing something, either good or evil. They were not sitting around idle waiting for the Divine to speak. Gideon was threshing wheat. Matthew was collecting taxes. John was repairing a net. Saul was persecuting Christians. And in each case, God spoke and obedience followed.
I take encouragement from the above examples. First, I know that what I am doing right NOW is extraordinarily vital. I am a wife to my husband and I am a mother to my children. And while my heart desires to do something significant beyond these crucial roles, I must focus on my tasks at hand with God's gracious strength. Second, I will take hope in these words: Rain was scrapping spaghetti off the floor and searching for a magnetic "e" while yelling at her daughter; then God spoke and she obeyed.
By the way, I found the "e". It was kicked deep under the stove. And I apologized to my daughter for yelling. And she lost her after lunch treat for lying, among other things. Mmmmm, that chocolate was delicious! ;)