An Introspective Perfectionist's Questions


Time passes in moments... moments which, rushing past define the path of a life just as surely as they lead towards its end. How rarely do we stop to examine that path, to see the reasons why all things happen, to consider whether the path we take in life is our own making or simply one into which we drift with eyes closed. But what if we could stop, pause to take stock of each precious moment before it passes? Might we then see the endless forks in the road that have shaped a life? And, seeing those choices, choose another path?
X Files, All Things, Season 7

Friends of ours recently had a baby. When I received the good news, I could sense the excitement and wonder in the parents' voices. A feeling of nostalgia crept into my heart. I couldn't help but go back to the moment when my daughter was born. It was amazing. It was a miracle. It was an answer to many prayers.

Yet, there are times, like tonight, when I think of the "endless forks in the road" too much. While my labor and delivery was a relatively positive experience, there were unanticipated negative moments which resulted in postpartum complications. None of the complications were serious in light of the possible things that could go wrong during a baby's first weeks of life. Yet, since I am an introspective perfectionist, I go back to those moments and ask myself, "What could I have done differently to change the outcome? Am I to be blamed for this or was the whole situation part of God's providence (or a combination thereof)? Will those early moments in her life negatively influence her in the future?"

I don't think I will ever have the answers to the questions above. However, there is two items of note which give me hope. The time of my daughter's birth had a thirteen in it. This number is very significant in the life of my husband and I. Furthermore, the day and month of her birth coincides with the reference of our wedding verse. This verse speaks of the hope we have in waiting for God's provision. When I focus on the numerical miracles that surround the birth of my daughter, my heart rests and I feel at peace.

It is my prayer that our friends will also feel God's peace as they begin their journey as parents.

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