Same Same But Different

About a year and a half ago, my husband and I visited relatives in Asia. One of the highlights for my husband was purchasing t-shirts from the street markets. One t-shirt that caught our eye said, "Same Same" on the front with "But Different" on the back. Even though this piece of clothing wasn't chosen to hang in my husband's closet, it still made us laugh. The saying seemed to summarize human nature. We want to be like everyone else. But we desire to be different.

Over the past week, the phrase "Same Same But Different" has been echoing through my mind. I realize that I have spent a vast majority of my life trying to conform, blend in, and adapt to the situations around me. My chameleon nature is partially due to my third culture status. I am not a true native of my country, though I am born here. But I am not a complete product of my parents' ethnicity either. Thus, I naturally adapt to whatever tradition I stumble across. While my "Same Same-ness" has been an asset in cross-cultural contexts, it has also caused some confusion in my identity. Yet, it has been a comfort. Why be different when being the same is so much easier?

Then I met my husband. My husband enjoys being different. He is a non-conformist. He married me despite the fact that many people of his ethnic background would have stayed within their cultural boundaries. He questions traditions even though he follows many of them. And when he encounters traditions that do not make any logical sense, he discards them and replaces them with something more appealing. After all, why be the same when being different is so much more interesting?

Our marriage has been a dance between the same and the different. Sometimes tradition leads. Other times innovation takes precedence. Sometimes we need to stop and renegotiate the steps through dialogue. Other times our views blend effortlessly like dancers in perfect synchrony. Despite it all, we acknowledge our imperfect understanding of the world and aim to face life's challenges together.

I guess we should have bought the t-shirt.

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