Stuck in Junior High

Usually there is some trigger. Unbalanced hormones. A nasty head cold. The number in the chequing account. Lack of sleep. Some disappointment. Crazy kids (being normal kids). Then you start spiraling down, to that murky place where reality blurs with fiction and thoughts become irrational.

I am ugly. The lie reverberates through your head as you look at other women in top shape with the cute multi-highlighted haircuts to match. Why can’t I dress like that? My wardrobe is so out of date. Ugh. You covet the trendy boots to the knee, the sleek leggings (that make you look like a frump) and the vibrant layers of cloth draped around the neck. If I wore a scarf like that, I’d look like I’m choking. {sigh.} I am so stuck in the 1990’s.

Nobody wants to be friends with me. So you jump to an untruth, knowing full well that God has blessed you with close friends who not only love you, but really like hanging out with you. And they share their highs and lows with you (and you have the freedom to do the same). But you want to feel bad because in that moment (in that place) you felt bad – alone – all by yourself, while everyone around you seemed to laugh and share with someone other than you. I wish I was cool so people would be friends with me.

I am destined to insignificance. You wonder what’s better. Being stuck in the “dark ages” of woman’s rights, where it was just expected for Mothers to stay home? Or being liberated to actualize any career, while choosing to stay home as a Mother? Do people know that I’m smart? Or do people think I only have the intellectual capability to do laundry? You question why our society equates success with a six figure salary and a house to match. All the while belittling household tasks that, at times, you enjoy.

Then you realize you are back there again, at that difficult age, when puberty hit and everything turned upside down. Yup. You guessed it. Junior High. Probably one of the most difficult times in a young woman’s life. All those feelings of ugliness, loneliness and insignificance rush back and hit you like a ton of bricks. You can practically imagine yourself again, as that awkward thirteen year old, trying hard to fit with the cool girls while nibbling on that all-too-smelly tuna fish sandwich and wearing clothes from the bargain rack at SAAN.

Why do you let yourself go back there again?

The truth is, you are beautiful. You are worthy of friendship. You are significant. It is not because of what you wear or the number on the weigh scale. It is not because of how many friends you have on Facebook or how many individuals call you up for a face-to-face coffee date. It is nothing to do with what you did way back then, what you are doing today or what you plan to do someday. Rather, it has everything to do with God and how He views you. He SEES you. He authentically sees you. He sees all your flaws and mess-ups. He knows how you feel deep, deep down inside. He understands your fears and inadequacies. Yet, He chooses to be madly in-love with you. He chooses to redeem you from sin and death – everyday – so you can be friends with Divinity now and forever. He chooses to transform you by removing the dirt and grime from your insides, so you shine forth beautiful. He chooses to grant you the joy to find significance in today, in the exciting, in the crazy and in the mundane.

He wants to give this all to you, and more. Will you open your heart and accept it? Or do you want to be stuck in Junior High forever?

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