Cross-Cultural Hospitality
Yesterday, our family invited newcomers to our home for a traditional Indian meal. I am developing a friendship with the Mrs. through a community parenting group I attend with you. This beautiful, intelligent woman is the coordinator of the program. And she speaks the language of your Nana & Nani.
Admittedly, I was anxious as we prepared our home for our guests. Is everything clean? Will the food taste good (I’m still learning the art and science of Indian cuisine)? Will we have enough topics to discuss? Will our tradition of grace before a meal offend them? In spite of the questions and misgivings, I prayed throughout the day that God’s peace would fill our home.
Even though I consider myself a hospitable person, I do find cross-cultural hospitality a challenge. That may come as a surprise to you, as I am an ethnic minority in this city. Truth be known, I actually feel more comfortable entertaining Caucasians in our home. After all, I have mostly interacted within the dominant milieu during my adult life. I know the food. I know the acceptable topics of conversation. I know the culture.
Yet, as our evening enfolded, it was reminded of South/Central Asian norms that your Nana & Nani followed when visiting others:
1. Dress your best when you visit another family’s home, especially for the first time. You do your host and hostess honor by your physical appearance. The Mr. & Mrs. wore beautiful traditional outfits. The children were dressed in their school best.
2. Grace another person’s home with your hands full. The Mr. & Mrs. brought dessert and a gift for me, the hostess.
3. Greetings are important. Everyone must say their "hellos", "thank-yous" and "good-byes".
4. If an elder is seated lower than you, the younger must offer up their seat in respect. During a brief moment, I sat on the floor in our living room. Immediately, the Mr. & Mrs. asked their youngest daughter to give up her position on the couch for me.
5. Avoid discussions about religion, especially in the initial stages of friendship. Since our families were of two different religions, we respectfully avoided the topic.
It is true that many Caucasian Canadians find cross-cultural hospitality intimidating (actually, hospitality in general is becoming a lost practice in our society). That being said, if an authentic connection with a newcomer has been formed, I believe we must overcome our feelings of discomfort and be hospitable. This is especially true of Christians, as we are commanded to show love to others, in and outside the church. And hospitality is one way of showing love.
So how can you, my daughter and son, feel less stressed about opening your homes to cross-cultural guests? I encourage you to research your guests. This is especially true if the family is of another religion, as there may be dietary restrictions to their meals. We discovered this and prepared accordingly. Also, be yourself, as much as possible while being cognizant about your guest’s culture. Use their language, if you can. Even your humble attempt at their simple "hello" is inviting. Allow yourself grace for your mistakes (and your family’s mistakes). And pray that God will draw everyone to Himself through the experience.
In the end, I believe our evening was a success, for which I am very, very thankful to God. And I am so proud of your Daddy. He is supportive of my conviction to open our home to others, even if it is outside our comfort zone. He has allowed his table to be graced with Chinese, German Americans (R. that’s for you!), Indians, Koreans, Pakistanis, and of course Caucasians. He is a wonderful, gracious host.
Admittedly, I was anxious as we prepared our home for our guests. Is everything clean? Will the food taste good (I’m still learning the art and science of Indian cuisine)? Will we have enough topics to discuss? Will our tradition of grace before a meal offend them? In spite of the questions and misgivings, I prayed throughout the day that God’s peace would fill our home.
Even though I consider myself a hospitable person, I do find cross-cultural hospitality a challenge. That may come as a surprise to you, as I am an ethnic minority in this city. Truth be known, I actually feel more comfortable entertaining Caucasians in our home. After all, I have mostly interacted within the dominant milieu during my adult life. I know the food. I know the acceptable topics of conversation. I know the culture.
Yet, as our evening enfolded, it was reminded of South/Central Asian norms that your Nana & Nani followed when visiting others:
1. Dress your best when you visit another family’s home, especially for the first time. You do your host and hostess honor by your physical appearance. The Mr. & Mrs. wore beautiful traditional outfits. The children were dressed in their school best.
2. Grace another person’s home with your hands full. The Mr. & Mrs. brought dessert and a gift for me, the hostess.
3. Greetings are important. Everyone must say their "hellos", "thank-yous" and "good-byes".
4. If an elder is seated lower than you, the younger must offer up their seat in respect. During a brief moment, I sat on the floor in our living room. Immediately, the Mr. & Mrs. asked their youngest daughter to give up her position on the couch for me.
5. Avoid discussions about religion, especially in the initial stages of friendship. Since our families were of two different religions, we respectfully avoided the topic.
It is true that many Caucasian Canadians find cross-cultural hospitality intimidating (actually, hospitality in general is becoming a lost practice in our society). That being said, if an authentic connection with a newcomer has been formed, I believe we must overcome our feelings of discomfort and be hospitable. This is especially true of Christians, as we are commanded to show love to others, in and outside the church. And hospitality is one way of showing love.
So how can you, my daughter and son, feel less stressed about opening your homes to cross-cultural guests? I encourage you to research your guests. This is especially true if the family is of another religion, as there may be dietary restrictions to their meals. We discovered this and prepared accordingly. Also, be yourself, as much as possible while being cognizant about your guest’s culture. Use their language, if you can. Even your humble attempt at their simple "hello" is inviting. Allow yourself grace for your mistakes (and your family’s mistakes). And pray that God will draw everyone to Himself through the experience.
In the end, I believe our evening was a success, for which I am very, very thankful to God. And I am so proud of your Daddy. He is supportive of my conviction to open our home to others, even if it is outside our comfort zone. He has allowed his table to be graced with Chinese, German Americans (R. that’s for you!), Indians, Koreans, Pakistanis, and of course Caucasians. He is a wonderful, gracious host.