Embracing 40

This year will mark the beginning of a new decade in my life. Admittedly, I approach this milestone with some trepidation. Why is that? Because now I am really an adult.

For the longest time, I didn’t feel my age. I was travelling the world when most of my friends were getting married and having kids. I spend many years furthering my education, so much so that at my 10 year high school reunion a former classmate exclaimed incredulously, “You are still in school!?” (mind you, I had returned back to complete my Masters after teaching for five years). And when I did finally married your Daddy, people mistook me for much younger since I was raising infants and preschoolers.

Now I am starting to feel old. And weak.

Over the past three years, my health has fallen short of the ideal. My body doesn’t function at peak performance. My mind is more susceptible to panic attacks. As a result, my spirit longs for eternal things (which is actually a good thing).

I also look at your grandparents on both side of our family and realize that they too are getting older. These great followers of Christ, who were infused with much strength and energy, are walking slower. And soon, your Daddy and I will enter the “squeeze stage” of our life, when we will balance the responsibilities of raising you kids and providing care for elderly parents (and possibly a special needs sister). It kind of freaks me out.

It is here I pause and reflect on a few verses that bring me much comfort: “… ‘My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.’ Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong,” (2 Corinthians 12:8-10). And, “But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own,” (Matthew 6:33-34).

I find it encouraging that I can walk the next decade in confidence in spite of my apprehension and weakness. God’s grace is enough. And I don’t need to worry. God knows. God will grant me what I need. God promises never to leave me or forsake me.

So, now I dream a little. Hope. Smile. And set a few goals to accomplish for God’s glory – with God’s power, wisdom and inspiration – before I turn 50!

1. Learn to play the piano.
2. Learn to read and write either Hindi or Urdu.
3. Travel the world with you two kids and your Daddy.
4. Paint a picture (or two or three).
5. Accomplish a challenging physical feat.
6. Read the whole Bible, one more time.
7. Re-establish my teaching career.

Well, that should keep me busy, for a while. Today, I choose to embrace 40 and beyond.

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