Bad Acid Reflux Mornings

It never seems to fully go away. The burn. The mid-morning burn that causes discomfort in my chest. I'm taking meds. I'm consuming herbal supplements. I'm trying to remain calm. And I'm avoiding gluten like the plague. But more often than not, I don't feel well.

I've been trying to seek answers. Naturopaths. Medical doctors. Internists. Friends. Family. Research. Food Journals. Prayer. But lately, the doors of answer (and clarity) seem to be closing on me. Appointments have been cancelled due to miscommunication. A particular doctor is not available in a near-by city during a scheduled trip. And family and friends have all kinds of advice, some that are clearly contradictory (e.g. on one hand, some people advice eliminating dairy completely while others advice I should eat more!).

Last Sunday, our pastor shared this verse: "Trust me in your times of trouble, and I will rescue you, and you will give me glory," Psalm 50:15. He went on to challenge us to lean fully on God when troubles come instead of striving to solve our problems ourselves.

I find this difficult to comprehend. After all, I am a problem solver. Give me a situation that doesn't seem to have a solution, and I will think and ponder and analyze and formulate an answer. After all, I don't think God wants stupid believers. He has equipped us with brains to use.

But I think I'm missing something. God knows I will try hard to find an answer. I am not lazy. However, my folly is that I jump to a viable solution too fast, in an attempt to escape the pain of being caught in a dilemma. Instead, maybe I need to pray more? Ponder more? Wait more? Listen more? And embrace the agony so I can hear what God might be trying to tell me. Maybe only then, I'll find a resolution to my woe or the peace to accept my illness with grace.

Thus, I christen February as the Month of Quiet Trust, where I will not strive to solve my health problems. Instead I will listen and write down what I hear, either through the insight of others or through the quiet whisper of God. For the days I feel awful, I will pray for the strength to get through the discomfort while choosing to be joyful. For the days I feel normal, I will thank God for the gift of momentary good health. For all the in-between, I will be honest with my God, always. February is the month I'll give up on striving and look up in expectation.

Dear God, help me trust you. You will rescue me. I will give you glory.

(Dear Reader: I posted something along the same vein in January 2009. If interested, check out Time to Give Up.)

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