Good Reasons to Give?
Our consumer-driven society inadvertently promotes the “give to get” message. The “get” is used to motivate the “give”. I’ve witnessed several examples over the last couple of weeks. Give to the Salvation Army Kettle Campaign and you might get at gift card from a local business. Give to the food bank via your school and your class might win a pizza party. Sadly, this message isn’t just used to encourage charity. It has been extended to behaviors that are just expected as citizens of our country. Are you respectful at your high school? Well, what-da-ya-know – good job! Here is $5 from your school cafeteria to indulge on fries and gravy.
The other day, you, my daughter were showing exemplary grocery store behavior. I affirmed you, “You listened very well in the store today. You were a great helper. Thank you!”
“Then, can I get a candy?” you asked.
“No. Not today. Just because you are doing the right thing doesn’t mean I need to reward you every time. You are expected to show good behavior.”
Thankfully, I am not the only one who thinks this way. Yesterday, I was reading the Fall 2013 issue of Compassion TODAY magazine. There was an article on giving. It encouraged parents to model giving by not only being generous with those in need but by also explicitly teaching children to be compassionate. At the end of the article, there were three warnings for us parents:
(1) Avoid attaching rewards to generosity. Rewards end up promoting the false message: “The reason we give is so we can get something back.” If we believe this message, we miss the point completely! The point is, we give because this is an expectation of humanity (and even more so for Christians). God commands it. We honor Him with our obedience, out of love for what He has done for us. Period.
(2) Avoid praising the child herself. When a child is generous, avoid saying, “You were a good girl when you shared your toys with your friend.” Rather say, “You were being kind when you shared your toys with your friend.” This shift in semantics discourages “people pleasing” in children.
(3) Avoid communicating a judgmental attitude. This is critical for me to remember! It is tempting to feel superior and self-righteous in our charity, as if we know what is best for an individual or community (or we believe the ones we help lack the character or motivation to help themselves). “But the blessing is in knowing that what we give wasn’t ours to begin with, and by offering it to others we are giving back to God,” (Amy Bennet, Raising Cheerful Givers, Compassion TODAY, Fall 2013).
I understand that our society and our schools do not have an eternal perspective empowered by the Holy Spirit. It is difficult to find ways to encourage empathy, compassion, generosity and respect without attaching some sort of incentive. After all, it seems to work in the here and now. Donations rise. The hungry are fed. And students say their “please’s” and “thank you’s” to get their salt, sugar or caffeine fix. But the lessons we are trying to teach may not endure past the prize.
So kids, I encourage you to encourage others to give because it is just the right thing to do. It is an expectation of a compassionate society. And since both of you recently decided to be Christ-followers (yay!), you give because you were given much by your Heavenly Father. That is motivation enough.
The other day, you, my daughter were showing exemplary grocery store behavior. I affirmed you, “You listened very well in the store today. You were a great helper. Thank you!”
“Then, can I get a candy?” you asked.
“No. Not today. Just because you are doing the right thing doesn’t mean I need to reward you every time. You are expected to show good behavior.”
Thankfully, I am not the only one who thinks this way. Yesterday, I was reading the Fall 2013 issue of Compassion TODAY magazine. There was an article on giving. It encouraged parents to model giving by not only being generous with those in need but by also explicitly teaching children to be compassionate. At the end of the article, there were three warnings for us parents:
(1) Avoid attaching rewards to generosity. Rewards end up promoting the false message: “The reason we give is so we can get something back.” If we believe this message, we miss the point completely! The point is, we give because this is an expectation of humanity (and even more so for Christians). God commands it. We honor Him with our obedience, out of love for what He has done for us. Period.
(2) Avoid praising the child herself. When a child is generous, avoid saying, “You were a good girl when you shared your toys with your friend.” Rather say, “You were being kind when you shared your toys with your friend.” This shift in semantics discourages “people pleasing” in children.
(3) Avoid communicating a judgmental attitude. This is critical for me to remember! It is tempting to feel superior and self-righteous in our charity, as if we know what is best for an individual or community (or we believe the ones we help lack the character or motivation to help themselves). “But the blessing is in knowing that what we give wasn’t ours to begin with, and by offering it to others we are giving back to God,” (Amy Bennet, Raising Cheerful Givers, Compassion TODAY, Fall 2013).
I understand that our society and our schools do not have an eternal perspective empowered by the Holy Spirit. It is difficult to find ways to encourage empathy, compassion, generosity and respect without attaching some sort of incentive. After all, it seems to work in the here and now. Donations rise. The hungry are fed. And students say their “please’s” and “thank you’s” to get their salt, sugar or caffeine fix. But the lessons we are trying to teach may not endure past the prize.
So kids, I encourage you to encourage others to give because it is just the right thing to do. It is an expectation of a compassionate society. And since both of you recently decided to be Christ-followers (yay!), you give because you were given much by your Heavenly Father. That is motivation enough.