Too #*$% Small

It began as a trip to donate blood. I felt pretty good about myself. Here I was, carving time out of my busy homemaking schedule to give the gift of life. What a wonderful example I was setting for my family! I gave myself several pats on the back in self-congratulation.

My good deed started to unravel the moment I walked in the church gym. Ques were long. The room temperature was frigid. Health care workers looked exhausted. I hugged my jacket tightly as I muttered annoyance about failing to bring my book along. Finally, after the necessary screening, I was called to officially donate blood. An hour had already gone by. I was tired, hungry, thirsty, and impatient. Yes, this was my fifth time donating blood, but it didn't seem to take THIS long! I warned the nurse about my small veins and my slow donate time. "We better call J. She's better at this." The more experienced nurse arrived after eons (she was running around ragged). Left arm poked. No blood.

"Did you drink enough water?" J. asked.

"I tried, but I guess not enough," I replied apologetically. I was given water to drink. And juice to drink. And I was asked to wait some more.

Finally! Another nurse. Right arm poked. A little blood flowed. But not enough to make it worth a donation. "And this is your fifth time?" the nurse questioned.

"Yes," I replied sheepishly.

"Well, drink more water next time. You did your best," the nurse said as she patted my shoulder in condolence. Bandage was applied. Vein took longer to clot than usual. By this time people were looking at me with piqued interest and mild sympathy.

Finally... I was allowed to leave the chair for a snack of Oreos. A man walk passed me and shot out his burning question, "Was this your first time?"

"No," I replied, "It was my fifth."

He chuckles, "You are too d*mn small!"

"I'll take that as a compliment?" I said as I choked back tears and plastered on a smile.

"Yay, it is, because if you were a horse like me, you wouldn't have any problem!" And off he went to have some cookies.

I left that gym as quickly as I could. I cried part of the way home. So much for my good deed this Christmas season! I tired to give the gift of life but, ironically, it wasn't in me to give. I walked into my home with my husband and kids looking on. Feeling a bit silly, I recounted my tale to explain the two bandages on my arms and the very late hour. All the while, Philippians 2:3 was echoing in my mind: "Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves."

I guess in a way it was good for my family to see me humbled.

And for them to know that I'm too d*mn small. :)

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