Desiring (yet dreading) A Growth Spurt
A new year has arrived. An entire decade has past. The last ten years have been filled with many adventures and numerous changes. Teaching overseas. Completing graduate studies. Beginning a new chapter in my career. Falling in love and getting married. Partnering in bringing a new life into this world. I am grateful for God's gracious blessings in my life.
As I stand at the beginning of a New Year, I am poised for new changes. Transitioning from full-time teacher to full-time homemaker. Welcoming another life into our little family. Granting myself grace and time to return to my pre-pregnancy form. Anticipating new employment for my husband. Possibly moving locations to support my husband's career. All these thoughts fill me with hope, excitement, and anxiety.
Yet, I am desiring more than the natural life changes that I will encounter. I pray for a deeper relationship with my Lord and Saviour Jesus Christ. In a way, I have plateaued in my spiritual growth. I understand that such moments come in the life of a believer, especially when the events of day-to-day existence become so overwhelming that a few moments of prayer is all I can manage. At the same time, I must reconceptualize my faith to foster positive growth. The question begs to be asked: What does it mean to be a Christian as a busy mother of a toddler and an infant; a supportive and loving wife; an understanding daughter, an emphasizing sister; a faithful friend; a professional teacher; and a light in the darkness? As I contemplate potential answers, I cannot expect my spiritual journey to be identical to my experiences as a single woman. During that stage in my life, I possessed much more extra time to devote to prayer, scriptural study, and Christian service. On the other hand, I must not use my current status as an excuse for continuous stagnancy. All in all, I long for a growth spurt, while dreading the pains that may accompany the transformation.
I often become fearful when I write such thoughts. I know God is watching, and listening to the whispers coming from my heart. I am scared that He will say, "Okay, Rain, you asked for it! Here is one heck of a trial for you to go through. You'll grow, but boy, will it hurt!" I start bargaining with God prematurely. "Lord, don't do this or that. I couldn't go on if I lost her or him. Please don't, please!!!!!"
It is during such moments I must allow my soul to rest. God is Good. He is the Giver of Hope. He knows my limits and He intimately understands how to stretch my boundaries. I must trust Him as this new decade enfolds. I must lay my life and the lives of those I love in His hands. I desperately need to bask in the knowledge that He loves us ALL more than words can express.
As I stand at the beginning of a New Year, I am poised for new changes. Transitioning from full-time teacher to full-time homemaker. Welcoming another life into our little family. Granting myself grace and time to return to my pre-pregnancy form. Anticipating new employment for my husband. Possibly moving locations to support my husband's career. All these thoughts fill me with hope, excitement, and anxiety.
Yet, I am desiring more than the natural life changes that I will encounter. I pray for a deeper relationship with my Lord and Saviour Jesus Christ. In a way, I have plateaued in my spiritual growth. I understand that such moments come in the life of a believer, especially when the events of day-to-day existence become so overwhelming that a few moments of prayer is all I can manage. At the same time, I must reconceptualize my faith to foster positive growth. The question begs to be asked: What does it mean to be a Christian as a busy mother of a toddler and an infant; a supportive and loving wife; an understanding daughter, an emphasizing sister; a faithful friend; a professional teacher; and a light in the darkness? As I contemplate potential answers, I cannot expect my spiritual journey to be identical to my experiences as a single woman. During that stage in my life, I possessed much more extra time to devote to prayer, scriptural study, and Christian service. On the other hand, I must not use my current status as an excuse for continuous stagnancy. All in all, I long for a growth spurt, while dreading the pains that may accompany the transformation.
I often become fearful when I write such thoughts. I know God is watching, and listening to the whispers coming from my heart. I am scared that He will say, "Okay, Rain, you asked for it! Here is one heck of a trial for you to go through. You'll grow, but boy, will it hurt!" I start bargaining with God prematurely. "Lord, don't do this or that. I couldn't go on if I lost her or him. Please don't, please!!!!!"
It is during such moments I must allow my soul to rest. God is Good. He is the Giver of Hope. He knows my limits and He intimately understands how to stretch my boundaries. I must trust Him as this new decade enfolds. I must lay my life and the lives of those I love in His hands. I desperately need to bask in the knowledge that He loves us ALL more than words can express.
