Good Christian Mothers Doubt
I searched my archives and found my "Mellow Sunday" post from about six years ago. I laughed out loud (a true LOL) and smiled at how such days are still a reality for me. After an intense week with my children and more responsibilities than usual, I come to this day of rest in a state of exhaustion and discontentment. My motivation is low, as to be expected, and I want to just sleep the day away.
Your Daddy is having a nap right now after returning from the Provincial Drama Festival. You kids are observing quiet time while constructing imaginative things with Lego. I am here writing, letting my thoughts run free for a while, as a way to embrace the mellowness of such a day.
There are days I wonder if this whole meta-narrative involving a Creator God, a Faithful Son and the Comforting Holy Spirit is one immense delusion. Our pastor just concluded a series on the Book of Revelation. We were reminded to be ready for Christ's second coming. Instead of being hopeful, I wondered to myself, "What if He never comes back because this is all a lie?" (Yes, I really thought that.) I am taking a bit of a risk to admit this online, as it makes me appear unstable as a Christian. But I can't help but confess that when I step outside my beliefs and look at it as an outsider, I conclude my faith is completely absurd and ridiculous! I mean, think about it! God creates this garden. He puts a tree in it that Adam & Eve are not supposed to partake of. They do. They are doomed. Sin enters the world and makes this world a mess. God first attempts to deal with sin through this complicated system of animal sacrifices. If anyone steps out of line during the sacrifice ritual, they are zapped. People claim God is compassionate. But He seems very harsh. Eventually, Christ enters the scene, seeming quite different from the God He claims is His Father. He challenges the law and the poor blokes who are trying to promote it. Eventually, Jesus ticks off enough leaders that He gets executed. But that was all part of the Divine Plan, conveniently. Somehow Christ's death and resurrection is supposed to set all things right. He disappears. And more than two thousand years later, we are still waiting for Him to return.
Sorry, this is not a very inspirational Mother's Day blog post.
Okay, don't panic. You don't need to call me up and give me all the proofs of why this stuff is all true. I do know most of it already with my experience in the faith. However, I am trying to make a point. There are times our faith doesn't make logical sense. There are times when what we believe is ambiguous and mysterious. And there are times when good Christian Mothers doubt.
In the end, what keeps me believing? Is it the archaeological proofs? Is it the prophesies? Is it the lack of evidence against the resurrection? Is it the thematic elements that run throughout the entire Bible? Is it the testimony of early Christians (and modern Christians) who chose to die for their faith? Is it the ways God has met me through circumstances that are difficult to deem as coincidence?
Yes.
But, I think the concept that really keeps me grounded in the faith is this: I do not want to live life any other way. The hope I have found through Christ is worth the sacrifice. Life without Christ is terrifying! In such a reality, you'd be on your own and it would be survival of the fittest. I don't want to live that life. At all.
1 Corinthians 1:18-25
For the message of the cross is foolishness to those who are perishing, but to us who are being saved it is the power of God. For it is written:
Your Daddy is having a nap right now after returning from the Provincial Drama Festival. You kids are observing quiet time while constructing imaginative things with Lego. I am here writing, letting my thoughts run free for a while, as a way to embrace the mellowness of such a day.
There are days I wonder if this whole meta-narrative involving a Creator God, a Faithful Son and the Comforting Holy Spirit is one immense delusion. Our pastor just concluded a series on the Book of Revelation. We were reminded to be ready for Christ's second coming. Instead of being hopeful, I wondered to myself, "What if He never comes back because this is all a lie?" (Yes, I really thought that.) I am taking a bit of a risk to admit this online, as it makes me appear unstable as a Christian. But I can't help but confess that when I step outside my beliefs and look at it as an outsider, I conclude my faith is completely absurd and ridiculous! I mean, think about it! God creates this garden. He puts a tree in it that Adam & Eve are not supposed to partake of. They do. They are doomed. Sin enters the world and makes this world a mess. God first attempts to deal with sin through this complicated system of animal sacrifices. If anyone steps out of line during the sacrifice ritual, they are zapped. People claim God is compassionate. But He seems very harsh. Eventually, Christ enters the scene, seeming quite different from the God He claims is His Father. He challenges the law and the poor blokes who are trying to promote it. Eventually, Jesus ticks off enough leaders that He gets executed. But that was all part of the Divine Plan, conveniently. Somehow Christ's death and resurrection is supposed to set all things right. He disappears. And more than two thousand years later, we are still waiting for Him to return.
Sorry, this is not a very inspirational Mother's Day blog post.
Okay, don't panic. You don't need to call me up and give me all the proofs of why this stuff is all true. I do know most of it already with my experience in the faith. However, I am trying to make a point. There are times our faith doesn't make logical sense. There are times when what we believe is ambiguous and mysterious. And there are times when good Christian Mothers doubt.
In the end, what keeps me believing? Is it the archaeological proofs? Is it the prophesies? Is it the lack of evidence against the resurrection? Is it the thematic elements that run throughout the entire Bible? Is it the testimony of early Christians (and modern Christians) who chose to die for their faith? Is it the ways God has met me through circumstances that are difficult to deem as coincidence?
Yes.
But, I think the concept that really keeps me grounded in the faith is this: I do not want to live life any other way. The hope I have found through Christ is worth the sacrifice. Life without Christ is terrifying! In such a reality, you'd be on your own and it would be survival of the fittest. I don't want to live that life. At all.
1 Corinthians 1:18-25
For the message of the cross is foolishness to those who are perishing, but to us who are being saved it is the power of God. For it is written:
“I will destroy the wisdom of the wise;
the intelligence of the intelligent I will frustrate.”
the intelligence of the intelligent I will frustrate.”
Where is the wise person? Where is the teacher of the law? Where is the philosopher of this age? Has not God made foolish the wisdom of the world? For since in the wisdom of God the world through its wisdom did not know him, God was pleased through the foolishness of what was preached to savethose who believe. Jews demand signs and Greeks look for wisdom, but we preach Christ crucified: a stumbling block to Jews and foolishness to Gentiles, but to those whom God has called, both Jews and Greeks, Christ the power of God and the wisdom of God. For the foolishness of God is wiser than human wisdom, and the weakness of God is stronger than human strength.