Confessions of a Stay-At-Home-Mom

Dear Daughter,

Your Daddy discovered my desire to be a stay-at-home-Mom the first time he met me. It was a blind date set up by mutual friends. There we sat in a typical “bar & grill” restaurant eating standard North American cuisine. Our conversation turned to reminiscing about our childhood days. Both your Daddy and I spoke of how we benefited from Mothers who sacrificed careers to parent their children full-time. After our disclosures, my friend asked me right in front of your Daddy, “Is that what you want to be one day, a stay-at-home-Mom?” “Yes,” I firmly responded.

Forward time to about 7.5 years later, where I am here, at home, with you and your brother. I recently resigned a permanent teaching contract with a highly sought over school board to follow your Daddy to a smaller community to (1) support his professional career and to (2) stay home full-time. Has it been worth it? “Yes,” I emphatically state.

But it is not easy. Oh no. There are days when I want to scream in frustration or lock myself in the bathroom for an extended period of time to hide from you and your brother. Don’t get me wrong! I love you like crazy! You and your brother are my two favorite preschoolers in the universe. I would never trade this time for anything! But sometimes I don’t know what to do to lovingly correct you or your brother for some unimaginable antic or unthinkable response to a situation. Sometimes I respond appropriately with incredible God given patience. Other times, I royally screw up! I guess I’m not a perfect Mother. Will you please forgive me?

One thing that amazes me about you is how gracious you are with me. When I ask you to forgive me, you say “Yes,” with almost no hesitation. I need to learn that from you. I sometimes hold back my forgiveness until I’ve nursed my hurts or satisfied my anger for a moment or two (or three or four…). Another quality I appreciate about you is that you are more content with the imperfections surrounding you. I, on the other hand, fight the desire to chase the ever fleeting illusion of perfection. Again, I should be the student and you the teacher. I am surprised at the depth of learning one can engage in by watching YOU!

Years ago, I envisioned myself as “SUPER MOM!” – a woman with the purpose and the drive to change the world one kid at a time! But the more I reflect on my mothering abilities, I realized that I am quite flawed even though I consider myself a good Mother. And you know what? That’s okay. I am not perfect. Neither are you! But God loves us regardless.

So, would I recommend you stay-at-home with your preschool children, if God so blesses you? “Yes,” I assert with conviction. And here are my reasons:

  1. You get to fully enjoy and support your children during arguably the most formative time of their lives. Personally speaking, I didn’t have children to have someone else take care of them. Plus, you are little for such a short time! (The days are long, but the years go fast!)
  2. You have a more flexible schedule that results in a more relaxed home environment. If either you or your brother becomes ill, I’m still home. Plans can easily change.
  3. You learn the value of sacrifice. We are a one-income, one-car family living in a 30+ year old house that requires several renovations we can't afford at the moment. Our holidays are simple and usually involve visiting family. We eat-out rarely and frequent second-hand stores (or the bargain racks at department stores) for good quality, gently-used clothing. True, we can't have it ALL. Yet, we are wealthy beyond comparison to most families in the world. Let's face it, we don't require a lot of stuff! But we need each other and our faith in God. It is imperative that we be thankful for what we have. And we must to be generous with the less fortunate. I stay home to keep all of this in perspective.
I acknowledge the fact that you may not be in the position to stay-at-home with your children one day. I know of some Mothers who need to work outside of their home for their own mental health. Or I know of other Mothers who, due to circumstances often outside their control, are the sole earners for their family (for instance, I worked for five months while your Daddy stayed home with you). However, generally speaking, I advocate for one parent, either the Mother or the Father, to stay-at-home with their children during their preschool years. It is worth it.

Love,
Your Mommy

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