Parched

It has been a good summer. But busy. Actually, too busy. Strangely enough, I am looking forward to the start of school, when I can find solace in routine.

Truthfully, I feel parched. My soul feels parched, just like the dry, prairie grasses that surround our community. I know what I need. Time. Time alone. Time alone for more than a morning. Time alone outside my house and yard. Time alone away from my responsibilities and my family. Time. With. God.

I love to entertain. I thoroughly enjoy planning menus, events, and experiences that cater to my guests' interests and needs. And this summer we were blessed with many friends and family who graced our home with their presence. During the year, I can't help myself in inviting people over for a meal or a play date with my children. After all, I desire our home to be a place where people can drop in for a visit and re-energize their spirit. Thus, I am delighted when people do just that. Our spare bedroom has been well used by many different people. I am so thankful God provided us with a home and yard that we can open to others. I am blessed that my husband is hospitable as well.

Yet, I am an introvert by nature. And after a while, I just need to be alone. But it is difficult when I am a stay-at-home-mom with two energetic preschoolers who are vying for my attention.

The other day someone dear to me suggested that I should get up before my children and take some time for myself and God. Part of me thought, "That sounds like a good idea. Maybe that is what I need." The other part of me exclaimed in desperation, "I am so exhausted! I need every moment of sleep that I can get! I can't function on low sleep!" My dichotomous reaction encapsulated my dilemma: how does authentic spirituality look like with you are a parent of young children?

In the meanwhile, I am leaning hard on God's Grace. I trust that He will refresh my spirit in due time. Instead of using my human wisdom to set up some "game plan" or "five-step program" to seek spiritual renewal, I choose, in this moment, to listen to His voice in quiet surrender. After all, I am going to need His joy and His strength in the days to come. As I look ahead to the next few months, I can already see my calendar filling up with opportunities to serve my family, my church, and my community. I know God has opened these doors for me. Thus, I trust that somehow He will drench me with His rain so I am equipped to give of myself to others.

...I am here Lord, on my knees, waiting...

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