Jump
"When I think back to when I was a little girl, you know what image comes to my mind?" I ask my husband-to-be. His blue eyes engage with mine as he listens intently. I continue with tears welling up in my eyes. "I'm standing there, in a pretty white dress with ruffles and lace. I have my shiny church shoes on. And I'm at the edge of a big puddle. The puddle is filled with mystery as it reflects the glow of the sun. I really want to jump in and splash around. But I can't. My dress will get dirty. So I walk away."
He grasps my hand and speaks with sincerity, "Well, I guess we will have to go back and jump in together."
Almost six years later from that moment, I realize how my thinking has been liberated from several cultural constraints, societal expectations, and theological assumptions. But first, let me set the record straight. I have been blessed with phenomenal parents, beautiful ethnic roots, and a rich experience in the Christian Faith. Who I am today is due to God's grace and creative design, first and foremost, my parents' upbringing, and the influence of men and women in and outside the church. I am forever grateful for each of these forces in my life.
Yet, I believe if we are all honest, we'd admit that our lives are impacted by the cultural norms and societal expectations that we are raised under during our formative years. For me, my birth order played a huge role on my view of reality. I am the eldest. The eldest is responsible. The eldest sets a good example for her siblings. The eldest follows the rules. And since both my parents had the elder role in their families, either due to birth order or due to circumstances, it was natural that high expectations were placed on my life. And each of these expectations were underscored by the church, academic institutions, and society in general.
With each positive expectation we place on our children, there is the risk of negative consequences due to over emphasis, either on our children's part or on the part of others. As stated previously, I was taught to be responsible and a rule observer. These lessons have taken me far in life. I have avoided situations that may have resulted in unnecessary stress because my conscientious nature accounted for contingencies. I generally got along with others since I had the ability to ascertain the rules/norms and adhere to them unwaveringly.
But then there is that little girl, at the edge of the puddle, screaming in her mind, "I don't want to get dirty! I'll get into trouble... What will people think? Of my dirty white dress... And my mucked up shoes?"
Somewhere along the line, walking in step with the rules and touting my responsible nature became more important than being authentic and sincere in my walk with Creator God. The views of others started to take precedence over how I felt about myself and, more importantly, over how God views me. Could it be that sometimes God, yes God, WILLS for us to JUMP unrestrained into that murky puddle and get ridiculously MESSY, for His Glory and Honor? Could it be that if I just let myself go and allow the craziness in my soul to seep out and flood those around me, that I would be used by my Savior Jesus Christ to bless others in unimaginable ways? What if I addressed the fear that motivates me to just kept my mouth shut, plaster on my happy mask, and be the "good girl" I take comfort in? What. If. I. Just. Jumped?
Can you relate?
(Alanis Moressette's Song All I Really Want resonated with me as I composed this post. Check it out to gain additional perspective on the craziness in my soul. I am so thankful to God that I met my soulmate: thanks for jumping in!)
He grasps my hand and speaks with sincerity, "Well, I guess we will have to go back and jump in together."
Almost six years later from that moment, I realize how my thinking has been liberated from several cultural constraints, societal expectations, and theological assumptions. But first, let me set the record straight. I have been blessed with phenomenal parents, beautiful ethnic roots, and a rich experience in the Christian Faith. Who I am today is due to God's grace and creative design, first and foremost, my parents' upbringing, and the influence of men and women in and outside the church. I am forever grateful for each of these forces in my life.
Yet, I believe if we are all honest, we'd admit that our lives are impacted by the cultural norms and societal expectations that we are raised under during our formative years. For me, my birth order played a huge role on my view of reality. I am the eldest. The eldest is responsible. The eldest sets a good example for her siblings. The eldest follows the rules. And since both my parents had the elder role in their families, either due to birth order or due to circumstances, it was natural that high expectations were placed on my life. And each of these expectations were underscored by the church, academic institutions, and society in general.
With each positive expectation we place on our children, there is the risk of negative consequences due to over emphasis, either on our children's part or on the part of others. As stated previously, I was taught to be responsible and a rule observer. These lessons have taken me far in life. I have avoided situations that may have resulted in unnecessary stress because my conscientious nature accounted for contingencies. I generally got along with others since I had the ability to ascertain the rules/norms and adhere to them unwaveringly.
But then there is that little girl, at the edge of the puddle, screaming in her mind, "I don't want to get dirty! I'll get into trouble... What will people think? Of my dirty white dress... And my mucked up shoes?"
Somewhere along the line, walking in step with the rules and touting my responsible nature became more important than being authentic and sincere in my walk with Creator God. The views of others started to take precedence over how I felt about myself and, more importantly, over how God views me. Could it be that sometimes God, yes God, WILLS for us to JUMP unrestrained into that murky puddle and get ridiculously MESSY, for His Glory and Honor? Could it be that if I just let myself go and allow the craziness in my soul to seep out and flood those around me, that I would be used by my Savior Jesus Christ to bless others in unimaginable ways? What if I addressed the fear that motivates me to just kept my mouth shut, plaster on my happy mask, and be the "good girl" I take comfort in? What. If. I. Just. Jumped?
Can you relate?
(Alanis Moressette's Song All I Really Want resonated with me as I composed this post. Check it out to gain additional perspective on the craziness in my soul. I am so thankful to God that I met my soulmate: thanks for jumping in!)