Snow White: The Enhanced Version

My husband was "reading" Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs to our daughter earlier this evening. Here is his enhanced version:

Once upon a time there was a girl named Snow White and a Queen who had image problems. Snow White would often clean the steps. She seemed to enjoy it. One day the Queen realized that she wasn't the most beautiful woman in the kingdom. Rather, Snow White was the most beautiful. Since she could not handle coming in second, the Queen sent out a hunter to kill Snow White. But he couldn't. He killed an animal instead. Snow White fled for her life and encountered seven little men called the dwarfs. They were happy people, except for Grumpy. Meanwhile, the Queen turned herself into the ugliest woman in the kingdom. Then she killed Snow White with an poisonous apple. [Snow White, having led such a sheltered life away from the real world, accepted the gift without hesitation.] The dwarfs came home early from work and chased the Queen up the mountain where she fell to her death. Then the dwarfs placed Snow White's body on a golden bed. For some reason she didn't decompose for days and days. Finally, a prince came along and fell in love with a dead woman. He kissed her. They got married. And she moved as far away from the dwarfs as she possibly could. The End.

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