Waiting... Quietly...

I wait quietly before God,
for my victory comes from him.
He alone is my rock and my salvation,
my fortress where I will never be shaken.
Pslam 62:1-2 (NLT)

The Lord is good to those whose hope is in him,
to the one who seeks him;
it is good to wait quietly
for the salvation of the Lord.
Lamentations 3:25-26 (NIV)

 I sit here, contemplating what I should write to commemorate 2016 and mark the advent of 2017. My mind is blank. So I will do what I often do in such a moment. Just write.

This year has been like no other since we moved to prairie southwest. My children transitioned to be in school everyday and I began to fill my "spare time" with other pursuits. The biggest challenge was leading a Family Support Team for a Syrian refugee family. If you have kept up with my sparse entries this year, then you would have noticed that Refugee Sponsorship has been my prime focus. Interspersed among my refugee-themed entries where glimpses into my Dad's health crisis, my temporary mathematics teaching stint, and my occasional rants about technology. Other than that, I was fairly quiet in the blog world because, quite honestly, I was ridiculously busy at times!

In the beginning of this year, I spoke about "Daring Greatly" as encouraged by Dr. Brene Brown. I desired to be vulnerable. I longed to be seen. And I hoped to try new things without fear of failure. I believe being involved with a refugee family has answered those goals in more ways than one.

However, I come to the end of this year feeling empty, misunderstood and confused. Empty, because I have given in new ways. Misunderstood, because being vulnerable has opened me up to unanticipated interpersonal conflicts. Confused, because I do not know what to do next.

What does it mean to wait quietly before God? The answer isn't forthcoming right now as my brain is too bleary to unpack the concept. Plus, I would need my Strong's Concordance to look up the meaning of the original Hebrew words (and that ain't happening at 9:52 p.m. on Dec. 31). All I know is that I am not waiting quietly right now. I am frustrated, anxious and just too frenzied to let go of my complaits and discontent.

I need to let go. I need to just sit. I need to rest. I need to wait. Quietly. Not for the sake of getting some answer. But for the sake of knowing God's presence. I need Him to fill me with Himself again. Because without Him, I will be shaken.

Dear Lord, help me to know the goodness of quietly waiting for your salvation in 2017.

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