Don't Want to be the Mini-Van Mom
I engage in a bit of freelancing. Nothing Pulitzer Prize worthy. I just volunteer my writing services for a local amateur magazine that features the journeys of newcomers to Canada. And I believe I am the lucky one.
About 3 – 4 times a year I interview a newcomer. I hear and pen my speaker’s story, full of sacrifice. The goal of relocation to Canada? To achieve a better life, a safer life, a life as a complete family instead of being separated over many miles to make ends meet.
One thing I admire about these men and women is that they speak and write and read in multiple languages. Some ignorant Canadians find themselves complaining that they can’t fully understand the often accent laden words of the dark-skinned employee serving them on the other side of the counter. Yes, we should expect a certain level of English proficiency in our country’s employees. However, many immigrants know two, often three, languages. That is to be commended. While here, in prairie suburbia, the majority only knows one – English. We are just fortunate that English is the world’s language of trade.
I toyed with the idea of placing both of you in French Immersion. But your Daddy was against it, for some very good reasons. It was not like your Daddy was opposed to obtaining a second language. Our collective decision to avoid French Immersion had more to do with the expectations and perceptions of the program. However, we are strong advocates of French as a subject and we hope you elect to pursue it all the way to High School.
Yet, I still struggle with the reality that you are predominately English speakers. Truthfully, it has less to do with French, and more to do with my own Hindi skills. I try to speak at home with you. But, I still speak more English than anything else. After all, that is the language that surrounds me. And while you do understand most of what I say, you don’t respond back in Hindi. And many times you reply with frustration, “Mommy, I don’t know what you are saying!”
There is a greater issue behind all of this. It has to do with my ideals for you as a parent, and the real life situation I find myself in. There are so many experiences I would like you to learn from. Yet, there are barriers to acquiring these experiences, such as money, time, geography, opportunity, personality and skill. And even though there are parents out there who practically live in their mini-vans as they taxi their children from one opportunity to the next, trying desperately to provide their kids with all the experiences in the world, there will always be some element of something they will never be able to provide their family. We were never meant to do it all or provide it all. (That is God’s job.)
When I was younger, I wanted to play piano. But, being the eldest in a family of four siblings, where my parents were new citizens in a new country, I had to settle for “less”. The greater financial needs of the family outweighed my desire to learn music. I admit I struggled with resentment for years, especially as I watched my younger siblings experience music lessons (I think I’m over it now, sibs :)). And now, I sometimes find myself being regretful with another area of my life. Why didn’t your Nana & Nani reinforce my Hindi acquisition more? Yet, in conversation with your Daddy, I find some resolution. Is your Daddy upset that he never learned German through his parents? No. Why not? Well, he never had an interest in the language and he understood why his parents elected not to force German on him. They wanted him to be proficient in English (just like your Nana and Nani wanted for me). As for music, while your Daddy did benefit from piano lessons, he detested the experience. Though, it provided him with the foundation to pursue guitar.
In the end, as your parents, we will make mistakes. There are decisions we are making on your behalf which you will probably detest or regret or shake your head and wonder, “What were they thinking?” Please be gracious with us, as I am learning to be gracious with those around me (and myself). Along the same vein, there are some things you will pursue in spite of your lack of opportunity as a child, which gives me an incredible amount of comfort. Maybe one of you will be a language whiz, even though my Hindi is “below expectations” and you are acquiring French as a subject instead of the primary means of communication. Or you will provide your children, God willing, with the opportunity that you missed as a kid and learn alongside them, just as I plan to do with your music lessons in the future.
By the way, your Nana and Nani have elected to do something beautiful for you. They are contributing funds to us monthly to help us save for a piano and enroll you in music lessons in the future. So, while you will not be language experts at this point in time, you will learn the language of music, soon.
P.S. I don't want to be the mini-van Mom.
About 3 – 4 times a year I interview a newcomer. I hear and pen my speaker’s story, full of sacrifice. The goal of relocation to Canada? To achieve a better life, a safer life, a life as a complete family instead of being separated over many miles to make ends meet.
One thing I admire about these men and women is that they speak and write and read in multiple languages. Some ignorant Canadians find themselves complaining that they can’t fully understand the often accent laden words of the dark-skinned employee serving them on the other side of the counter. Yes, we should expect a certain level of English proficiency in our country’s employees. However, many immigrants know two, often three, languages. That is to be commended. While here, in prairie suburbia, the majority only knows one – English. We are just fortunate that English is the world’s language of trade.
I toyed with the idea of placing both of you in French Immersion. But your Daddy was against it, for some very good reasons. It was not like your Daddy was opposed to obtaining a second language. Our collective decision to avoid French Immersion had more to do with the expectations and perceptions of the program. However, we are strong advocates of French as a subject and we hope you elect to pursue it all the way to High School.
Yet, I still struggle with the reality that you are predominately English speakers. Truthfully, it has less to do with French, and more to do with my own Hindi skills. I try to speak at home with you. But, I still speak more English than anything else. After all, that is the language that surrounds me. And while you do understand most of what I say, you don’t respond back in Hindi. And many times you reply with frustration, “Mommy, I don’t know what you are saying!”
There is a greater issue behind all of this. It has to do with my ideals for you as a parent, and the real life situation I find myself in. There are so many experiences I would like you to learn from. Yet, there are barriers to acquiring these experiences, such as money, time, geography, opportunity, personality and skill. And even though there are parents out there who practically live in their mini-vans as they taxi their children from one opportunity to the next, trying desperately to provide their kids with all the experiences in the world, there will always be some element of something they will never be able to provide their family. We were never meant to do it all or provide it all. (That is God’s job.)
When I was younger, I wanted to play piano. But, being the eldest in a family of four siblings, where my parents were new citizens in a new country, I had to settle for “less”. The greater financial needs of the family outweighed my desire to learn music. I admit I struggled with resentment for years, especially as I watched my younger siblings experience music lessons (I think I’m over it now, sibs :)). And now, I sometimes find myself being regretful with another area of my life. Why didn’t your Nana & Nani reinforce my Hindi acquisition more? Yet, in conversation with your Daddy, I find some resolution. Is your Daddy upset that he never learned German through his parents? No. Why not? Well, he never had an interest in the language and he understood why his parents elected not to force German on him. They wanted him to be proficient in English (just like your Nana and Nani wanted for me). As for music, while your Daddy did benefit from piano lessons, he detested the experience. Though, it provided him with the foundation to pursue guitar.
In the end, as your parents, we will make mistakes. There are decisions we are making on your behalf which you will probably detest or regret or shake your head and wonder, “What were they thinking?” Please be gracious with us, as I am learning to be gracious with those around me (and myself). Along the same vein, there are some things you will pursue in spite of your lack of opportunity as a child, which gives me an incredible amount of comfort. Maybe one of you will be a language whiz, even though my Hindi is “below expectations” and you are acquiring French as a subject instead of the primary means of communication. Or you will provide your children, God willing, with the opportunity that you missed as a kid and learn alongside them, just as I plan to do with your music lessons in the future.
By the way, your Nana and Nani have elected to do something beautiful for you. They are contributing funds to us monthly to help us save for a piano and enroll you in music lessons in the future. So, while you will not be language experts at this point in time, you will learn the language of music, soon.
P.S. I don't want to be the mini-van Mom.