13 Hours of Rain

Four courses and three final exams later, with Christmas and New Year celebrations completed, I find myself in this moment, poised to begin a new term of learning. I feel slightly exhausted as I contemplate the work load ahead. The last four months have taught me a few things about myself. First, I can academically compete with the millennium generation. I am not sure if college became easier or these courses are a perfect fit for me or the instructors are better or my life experience has given me an edge over my competition. Nonetheless, my achievement is the highest it has ever been at this level of learning. Now, keep in mind, while the content is not rocket science, it has been a lot of work. I strove tremendously hard at keeping up and keeping ahead. God has overshadowed me with wisdom! Second, I do not envision myself sitting behind a computer entering numbers into a spreadsheet for a living. I possess a passion to teach, exhort, encourage, motivate, present, inspire, res...

Brokenness surrounds me. Brokenness is also in me. I call myself a double agent, living in two worlds at the local college. I am a student. I am an instructor. Most of my time is dedicated to learning. Accounting. Business Communications. Computers. Economics. My neurons are firing at maximum capacity. I sincerely hope my brain will adapt to the intensity of information being thrown my way. However, the element I failed to anticipate as I interact with classmates and students (who are all younger than me, I'd like to add) is the brokenness intertwined in people's stories. Several students are divorced, single moms, struggling to parent and keep up with their homework. Many of the international students are burdened with low finances. They are also trying to rapidly adapt to a different method of higher education. Others are trying their best to understand the concepts while competing with others. People either assert their dominance by touting their marks or suppress their ...

According to the University of Waterloo, Canadians value components such as fairness, inclusion, democracy, economic security, safety, sustainability, diversity, equity and health (Canadian Index of Well Being). The last week in the news was a tough stretch for our Liberal government with failed NAFTA talks and bungled paperwork on a billion dollar pipeline our nation collectively owns. In spite of the "diversity is strength" slogan emblazoned on web pages and t-shirts, our citizens comprising of different geographical regions, ethnicity, cultures, religions, genders and sexual orientations are struggling to get along. Political pundits of red, blue, orange and green are calling foul for various reasons. Forget about baby bear's "just right" porridge. It's too right for some. And too left for others. Thus, the populous is lighting up Twitter and YouTube with honest (and not so honest) questions about fairness, inclusion, democracy, economic security, safet...

Now in those days John the Baptist came preaching in the wilderness of Judea, saying, " Repent , for the kingdom of heaven is at hand ." Matthew 3:1-2 repent: Metanoeo (Greek). Repent with great regret accompanied by a true change of heart toward God. kingdom: Basileia (Greek). Royal dominion. Often signifies God's rule within us while we are on this earth. at hand: Eggizo (Greek). To bring near. One theme that has been resurfacing in my life is "Seek first his kingdom and his righteousness." In an attempt to gain a deeper understanding of such a life focus, I am reading the book of Matthew and documenting the context of several references to the "kingdom of heaven". The first one I have come across is listed above, where John the Baptist is heralding the nearness of the heavenly kingdom. The act of repentance precedes God's rule within us. To repent goes beyond regret for one's actions. It is intimately coupled with a true change...

"The kingdom of heaven is like treasure hidden in a field. When a man found it, he hid it again, and then in his joy went and sold all he had and bought that field." Matthew 13:44 There was a man who discovered something in a field one day. A shiny object that flashed in the sun. When he bent down to examine it, his heart nearly lodged itself in his throat. He jumped up and looked quickly around. Nobody had seen him. His hand began to tremble, and his breathing became short. He could not take the object, because it was not his to take, yet it was very, very valuable. But he had to have it, you see. No matter what else happened, he realized in that moment that he had to own that treasure... Now let me ask you a question... Does this man want this treasure?... Ahh, yes. If you want to walk into the kingdom, you also must have this kind of desire. Without such desire, the man never would have done what he did next... He covered the diamonds so that no one would find them, and ...

I know that my readership has dwindled down to practically nil and I sit here typing thoughts to a devoid audience (anyone out there???). Yet, I wish to document this moment of struggle. My teaching contract with the local school board ended in June. There isn't a place for me in the fall. In a need to reduce operating costs to address government cutbacks in education, the fat was trimmed. Extra teachers are a financial drain on the system. Payroll is a huge cost. Thus my exit. I am processing this change with much less grace than I anticipated. Some days I am incredibly sad and end up blubbering through an entire church service, scared that my mascara is creating raccoon eyes on my face. Other days I am filled with anger and regret, screaming all the "why?" questions in my head while plastering on "It is well with my soul" serenity on my exterior. But things are not well. I could swear a blue streak. I understand that I am grieving. I am grievin...

Here is the update on my Embracing 40 Goals... 1.  Learn to play the piano.  My daughter's lessons are becoming more challenging, to the point that my husband has taken over monitoring her lessons. However, I am still doing my best to learn her key pieces. We are both learning about chord progressions. 2.  Learn to read and write either Hindi or Urdu.  Maybe I need to give up on this goal... I'd like to learn but motivation is lacking. So sad. I even speak less of the language with my children since they are in school most of the time. When they arrive home, I find it hard to speak complex Hindi/Urdu with them. 3.  Travel the world with you two kids and your Daddy.  I still dream of taking a trip in 2020. Though, I become more terrified as the date approaches, especially about travelling in the country of my ethnicity. India is such a difficult place to negotiate. It will stretch our families in ways unimaginable. I believe it will be one of thos...